Home » Poems » Rebecca Larkin » Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Two

Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Two

I’m so afraid of myself Afraid of the anger that burns my soul A vicious poison Consuming what should be my soul Corrupting the very breadth of life in me A false sense of control was all I ever had But yet…with you Everything is calmer Everything is clearer You are my savior My savior My grace But the pendulum still swings Still swings The danger never really gone Just…eased My mind Eased For awhile But the poison is still there Still affecting my mind Still attacking me They call it “Bipolar Disorder” I call it an excuse They say it’s mild I say… It is nothing but- An excuse One I shall not use There is no excuse to the way I treat you Or anyone else for that matter But you in particular, Do not deserve any of this You’re my guardian angel The target of my never ending pendulum I want it to stop I want it to go away But it never will It never will I can’t stop it I want too But I don’t know how I’m so afraid I’m so scared I’m so diseased I’m so worthless I have nothing to offer you in return of your undying friendship Nothing but grief comes your way Nothing but hardship and torment And the burning waters of my unchained mind do not help They only hurt Only hurt And I’m so sorry So sorry I want it to stop But I don’t know how I don’t know how I’m so sorry For all the pain All the torment The screaming inside me Bouncing through my head Through my very being But unable to escape Nothing escapes Until… The anger explodes Like a volcanic eruption It goes everywhere And you get caught in it And it’s not fair Not fair Not fair And I feel so guilty Wanting you around Keeping you around When all I do is hurt you All I do is hurt I hurt I hurt I’m scared I’m sorry I’m damaged I damage I’m sorry I’m so afraid of what I’ve become I want to go back Go back Take it all back Undo it all Undo everything Set you free