Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Two
I’m so afraid of myself
Afraid of the anger that burns my soul
A vicious poison
Consuming what should be my soul
Corrupting the very breadth of life in me
A false sense of control was all I ever had
But yet…with you
Everything is calmer
Everything is clearer
You are my savior
My savior
My grace
But the pendulum still swings
Still swings
The danger never really gone
Just…eased
My mind
Eased
For awhile
But the poison is still there
Still affecting my mind
Still attacking me
They call it
“Bipolar Disorder”
I call it an excuse
They say it’s mild
I say… It is nothing but-
An excuse
One I shall not use
There is no excuse to the way I treat you
Or anyone else for that matter
But you in particular,
Do not deserve any of this
You’re my guardian angel
The target of my never ending pendulum
I want it to stop
I want it to go away
But it never will
It never will
I can’t stop it
I want too
But I don’t know how
I’m so afraid
I’m so scared
I’m so diseased
I’m so worthless
I have nothing to offer you in return of your undying friendship
Nothing but grief comes your way
Nothing but hardship and torment
And the burning waters of my unchained mind do not help
They only hurt
Only hurt
And I’m so sorry
So sorry
I want it to stop
But I don’t know how
I don’t know how
I’m so sorry
For all the pain
All the torment
The screaming inside me
Bouncing through my head
Through my very being
But unable to escape
Nothing escapes
Until…
The anger explodes
Like a volcanic eruption
It goes everywhere
And you get caught in it
And it’s not fair
Not fair
Not fair
And I feel so guilty
Wanting you around
Keeping you around
When all I do is hurt you
All I do is hurt
I hurt
I hurt
I’m scared
I’m sorry
I’m damaged
I damage
I’m sorry
I’m so afraid of what I’ve become
I want to go back
Go back
Take it all back
Undo it all
Undo everything
Set you free
Copyright © Rebecca Larkin | Year Posted 2012
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