Home » Poems » Rebecca Larkin » Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Three

Damages and Diseases of the Swinging Pendulum Mind: Part Three

Let you be I don’t want to hurt you I don’t want to I don’t I don’t I’m so sorry I’m so scared I’m scarred I’m scared I’m sorry You’re always so great to me Always Always I’m nothing but trouble to you Nothing but impending pain and torture Grief and Sorrow Nothing good Nothing good I am so very sorry I’m sorry that I cling to you as a life line That I can’t be strong on my own Like a helpless child I look to you I’m pathetic Useless Horrible I say I’m here for you Yet…am I really? Or do I just think I am Do I just believe that I help you half as much as you do me, But in reality just make things worse I can’t decide I can’t think The pendulum swings faster The ocean tides rise once again I’m drowning in my own doubt I’m drowning in my own paranoia And then there you are Ready to dive in and pull me from the tortures From the ever changing fragments of my mind But you still get hit By a deadly wave By the pendulum And you’re brought down Why do you continuously help me When I just continuously bring you down You could easily just let me drown You could easily leave me be and save your own sanity But you do not You are not like them The people who have left me to be buried You are different You are an angel You save me time and time again And I just wish I could save you I wish I could let you go So you no longer were punished by me So you could be happy Because when you are happy I am happy I feel you I feel what you go through How much I haunt you How I torment you And if I could just release you from that I know you’d be better So much better without me Without my damaged mind But I can’t I can’t I am too selfish I can’t let you go I’d drown I’d die The pendulum swings faster Faster The waves grow The tides get higher Higher Crashing Crashing And then… Your hand reaches mine And everything eases I can’t let you go I should But I can’t I never will be able to I’m too scared too And I’m sorry So very sorry I’m too selfish I’m sorry