Crying you made me in past was different then from now

Sometimes I was giggling, dancing or just being my silly me. And then when you sometimes ecountered, I felt embarassed. I don't know why but my feet felt numb, and I needed to suddenly sit down. I didn't really felt right from the look of your face, even though you had a beautifully looking face. You didn't even look mad at me or annoyed and serious or something I could think that. It was this everyday normal look. Maybe because you never used to look at me? Because we never used to have eyecontact? Did that make me unsure? And that made me cry, when I seeded to disappoint you, or when I thought I was behaving embarassing.. And that wasn't your fault at all. I just could never think to lay a hand on your heart. That's why just was how I was. But now, you made me cry, because your looks are satisfied with fun and your words spit hate over my eyes. You know what you do and have done. You knew And you did. You were sure to do that. So I cried, And not in the past with sometimes laughing looking at my sister in shame with cold tears, but now with red scratches my face made, to somehow protect my skin from further hot drops that made my skin burn.