Critterature: Crittercal Math

DISCLAIMER: This piece, dear readers, is in no way, shape, or form intended to be a scholarly treatise. So, please bear that in mind and refrain from reporting me to the SPCA or any other animal activist group. When it's time for some critters to multiply, The name change to me's where the mess is. Some simply add "s", such as "lions", at the end, Or "es" if they want "lionesses". But for others that same simple rule won't apply, And though Latin seems stilted, outdated, passé, Not content with a modest "s" or "es", With malicious intent they go straight for the "i" When augmentizing their numbers today. A few practical ones, such as "deer", "moose", et al, Don't require any change when they double, And just when we think we can start to relax, Some radical rascals, like the "rhino" and "hippo", Barge in and cause even more trouble. In my humble opinion, they compound the confusion By allowing for three ending options for choosin'. A "hippo" will happily dress in the simplest "s" When its ranks he is casually swelling. And it's still not too bad when "es" is added To "rhinoceros", but watch out for the spelling. Many haughty ones vie for the more formal "i", And just when you're sure that's the last to apply, Comes some miscreant English major whiz To remind us, in singular, the rhinoceros "is", But when speaking in plurals, it's equally par To mention, in passing, the hippopotamus "are". That's why crittercal math has me somewhat downhearted, And I wish I could say that some reason I've found Why some go to such trouble when it comes time to double, While others are bound to just circle around And end up right back where they were when they started.