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Counting Seconds-The Rewrite

i sit lonely. the crowded restaurant is thick with sound i pick away at it moving back into the stagnant silence of my own comfort the air is nasty here it telepathically abuses my thought patterns still a far cry better the loud hum of food marching to the vacant crowd suffocates me a decorated plate joins my table strikes a conversation with the cutlery there is no call from the governor as i attack my food fork knife teeth bites later a paper plane flies in a swipe of my plastic makes quick work of the bill i exit seemingly quicker than human eyes can catch i hate this part i parley my way through too many bodies all the while staring at a concrete maze never making eye contact with a single soul i do that i always do that keep the entrances of my being away from those who would stare me down attempt to engage me in conversation with a desire to lock eyes if they looked in they would burn i’d be held responsible FINALLY home the only environment i feel safe in my therapist will be proud almost an hour today assuming i see her again i am covered in my own dew my breathing sporadic i line up an array of pills like good soldiers as i continue my attempt survive another day it will take hours to regain my sanity all the while questioning the purpose why must i assimilate back into the dungeons they call society it behooves me find one reason join the rank and file plug back into a horrendous grid i had escaped i grow weary of my own thoughts ignore my voice slowly regain my footing plant roots hope they’ll take hold attempt to return into the vacuum of my existence i sit lonely.

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Lawrence Sharp

Date: 8/14/2018 2:53:00 AM

Brilliant poem. Fave.

Casarah Nance

Date: 8/4/2018 6:43:00 AM

you are so talented and I do enjoy it. hugs my friend.

Andrea Dietrich

Date: 8/1/2018 3:57:00 PM

I can't recall if I faved the original but it's BETTER this way, Armand. This is YOU, your STYLE. FAVE!!! and a triple wow for you too, my dear friend.

Carol B.

Date: 7/29/2018 11:43:00 AM

This is a masterpiece. Your writing always blows me away. A definite fav.

Aqua Marine

Date: 7/28/2018 9:07:00 AM

I enjoyed both writes, but agree with Jan...LOVE LOVE LOVE this version- your individualistic style so evident in your unusual observance of aloness and loneliness...reread for the third time, and fav.

Jan Allison

Date: 7/28/2018 8:46:00 AM

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the re write far more than the original, the formatting is more your usual style which is so unique, so you and a huge fave! :-) hugs jan xx

Lyric Man

Date: 7/13/2018 4:18:00 PM

Maurice.. I was glued to your lines, to phrases, even particular words, I was glued to the feelings those thing conjured up in me. I was glued to what would happen next, then what should happen next. I was compelled to action, to move.. to make a difference. Then, I remembered.. this was only a story. And all this is why I say.. you should be writing novels!!!

Daniel Turner

Date: 7/12/2018 11:54:00 PM

...and in this country, if they don't have an arrest record, they can purchase a gun legally. Well written, hits hard. It's quite sad, especially knowing there are actually people walking around who feel like this, very tough subject, Armand. Well done!

Line Gauthier

Date: 7/12/2018 10:31:00 PM

Wow - what a most appealing presentation. The varied lengths of the lines and the airiness of your poem is most inviting. And your message most delightful. A FAVE. Thoroughly enjoyed your poem, Armand. (BTW Armand was my father's name)

Eve Roper

Date: 7/12/2018 9:01:00 PM

Beautiful imagery of loneliness , I love " plant roots hope they’ll take hold attempt to return into the vacuum of my existence" ... I truly enjoyed reading