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Personal Note:

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Poem

i sit lonely. 

the crowded restaurant is thick with sound 

i pick away at it 

moving back into the stagnant silence 
of my own comfort

the air is nasty here 
it telepathically abuses my thought patterns

still 
a far cry better 
the loud hum of food 
marching to the vacant crowd 
suffocates me

a decorated plate joins my table  
strikes a conversation with the cutlery 
there is no call from the governor 
as i attack my food
fork knife teeth

bites later 
a paper plane flies in 
a swipe of my plastic 
makes quick work of the bill

i exit 
seemingly quicker 
than human eyes can catch

i hate this part
i parley my way through 
too many bodies
all the while staring 
at a concrete maze 
never making eye contact 
with a single soul

i do that
i always do that
keep the entrances of my being 
away from those who would stare me down 
attempt to engage me in conversation 
with a desire to lock eyes

if they looked in they would burn 
i’d be held responsible

FINALLY

 home
the only environment i feel safe in

my therapist will be proud
almost an hour today
assuming i see her again

i am covered in my own dew
my breathing sporadic

i line up an array of pills like good soldiers 
as i continue my attempt 
survive another day

it will take hours to regain my sanity 
all the while questioning the purpose

 why must i assimilate
back into the dungeons 
they call society 

it behooves me 
find one reason
join the rank and file 
plug back into a horrendous grid 
i had escaped 

i 
grow 
weary 
of 
my 
own 
thoughts

ignore my voice

slowly regain my footing

plant roots 
hope they’ll take hold
attempt to return 
into the vacuum of my existence

i sit lonely.

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