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Corrected See Last Lines Eight Not Eight--From Year To Fear

GROWING YEAR BY FEAR By one I was done I didn’t know what to do at two Believe me, I was far from free at three Four was a bore I didn’t wish to survive at five I was always sick at six I was ready for heaven at seven I learned how to astronomically hate at eight Then at nine I took to wine I was repulsed by most men at ten I learned there is a Hell and a Heaven at eleven Into my life no one cared to delve at 12 ain’t much I hadn’t seen by thirteen Times I didn’t cause havoc were lean at fourteen The universe turned mean at fifteen And I was mentally sick at sixteen I O.D.’d and it was Heaven I swear to have seen at seventeen At eight I was finally set free and ran with every degenerate denigrated by disgust and dehydration the rich chose to ignore And at nineteen….well, need I say more? © 2011.…Phreepoetree

Copyright © | Year Posted 2011




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Date: 5/9/2011 7:58:00 AM
Also, if you did the lines that way, you could center it and it would look like a pyramid. Then in the end we can assume that the one short line means either the pyramid is going to grow, or, that the whole cycle will repeat it itself. let me know if you don't want my comments.
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Date: 5/9/2011 5:17:00 AM
I like your internal rhymes throughout the poem. However, I think maybe you should try to start with short lines and have each line get progressively longer, so that (you wrote 8 but I think you meant 18) it is the longest one. then 19 short again, like you did. I would also write out 12 to keep it consistent with all your other numbers. Does this help?
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Date: 5/9/2011 4:43:00 AM
stirring write with highlights of life's stages. jeffrey.. i like your styles... cynically beautiful.. hope you can visit my pages.. :) huggs, nette
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Book: Shattered Sighs