CONFESSIONS OF A FLAWED HEART

It hurts to see you hurt; it breaks me to see you hurt because of me. I don’t like what’s going on, but how can I possibly stop it? I am not perfect, not good enough for you, but I am trying. I want what’s best for you, but what I had in mind is not what seems to be best for you. I got my mind fixated on your life, fixated on fixing your flaws and nursing your traumas, but I had it all wrong. I got myself confused about what’s best for you: leaving or staying. My problem is I got it all fixated on wanting to leave so you can be free and happy. I think I'm toxic because I take time to heal from events. All that’s in my mind is: Why her? What happened? Why on the day we had a fight? Will it happen again? But that’s not an excuse for my actions. I am scared. You are the first one to see all of me, and you are yet to leave because of it. I fear not loving you and missing a chance to love and to be loved, and I regret it. I always fear endings because I am used to losing everything I love. So please tell me, “How can I love you without pain, and how can I not love you without regretting it?”