Christmas Time
Christmas Time
Twenty five years and the pain still rages
I was told it would get better with time
But every Christmas it come like clockwork
Making me angry, sad, and even hard to go to work
Most other times of the year you stand in the background
Always present, but in December tinsel chokes my heart
Reopening scars and cutting off my breath
As I fight back tears, begging for death
Memories of happy times, times that I will never have again
Are covered by the ashes left by the flames of your death
Blood oozes from my heart with the sounds of the season
All I can think of is to retreat within my myself, my mind says, “Run child, run”
Angels stand at the top of every Christmas tree to haunt me
Whirling the memories in my head with each one I see
Lights twinkle in endless torment, increasing the longing in my heart
Every season greeting tears away a piece of me, the biggest part
The part that remembers your smile, your laughter, and your loving ways
The part that knows I will never have you to hold again
The part that knows I cannot reach and hug you or talk to you
The part that knows I did not say all I meant to say or do all I wanted to do
Please some way in your mercy Lord grant me peace
Grant me a warm breeze, a soft touch from an unseen hand
Come to me in a dream and let me know those I lost are still near
Let me know they know how much I love them and miss them this time of year.
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