Christmas Shopping
There is no rhyme nor reason
For Christmas shopping season
Only during this season do you find out things you never knew
Like 80 year old women get football scholarships to BYU
An old man saw a dress that was just his wife’s style
So he tackled the woman holding it in the third aisle
A daddy bought Elmo to give his child some joy
A nun said I got a gun, so hand over the toy
It isn’t bad enough that someone’s stepping on your toes
But she’s letting her kid pull off Rudolph’s nose
Then I hear Santa saying ha ha ha hee hee hee
Because ho ho ho isn’t politically correct you see
Now I’m fuming, if there was a fire I’d fan it
I began to wonder if I was on the right planet
A little old lady put a bruise on my face
Then smiled at me so I sprayed her with mace
No one can imagine the way I felt
Until I put some mistletoe on the back of my belt
One thing for certain next year I’ll try
To do my Christmas shopping in July.
Copyright © Vince Suzadail Jr. | Year Posted 2008
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