Casey On Second

(With apologies to Ernest Lawrence Thayer, author of "Casey at the Bat".) The Mudville nine and Casey have their chance for sweet revenge; They play today in Dirtburg, their misfortune to avenge. Two mighty Casey homers have us leading, five to four. The bottom of the ninth arrives: three cheers for three outs more! The lead-off slugger, Bugsy, flies to right: out number one. But Smith and Jones both single; now the worrying’s begun. So when our pitcher, Nelly, loads the bases with a walk, In shaken insecurity we hush our hopeful talk. We badly need a strikeout—better yet, a double play. But cleanup batter Brutus may have something more to say. Old Nelly sure looks nervous as he winds up for the pitch, And Brutus eyes him coolly, and we see his muscles twitch. And now our hearts stop beating as we hear the bat’s report. And ahh, relief—we breathe again; he’s grounded straight to short! The shortstop throws to second for the force: out number two. The easy lob to first will end this rematch, right on cue. The Dirtbag Coliseum is erupting in a din: Uproarious cheers reverberate as Smith and Jones jog in. The joyful, jubilant half-gibes behind each haughty face Proclaim our Casey still a bum; he’s overthrown first base.