Carter Claus
*recite to Night Before Christmas
Who was this white haired Claus
with buck-rabbit teeth?
Carrying a ton of peanuts
for everyone to eat.
Dragged in a sleigh
pulled by Agnew and Nixon,
who ran right beside
old Donnar and Blitzen?
He circled Camp David,
A fast fly by;
with lox and bagels
for Jewish guys.
A carpenters’ pencil
was poised by his ear,
and boxes of nails dangled,
from the gear in the rear.
Why! It's Jolly Ole Carter Claus
draped in menorahs.
Handing out home plans to
the Arab before us.
Visions of world peace
danced in his head;
as, he flew to Afghanistan
‘Fore noggin hit bed.
When down from the sky
in the form of deer dung,
fell fruit tree seeds
to be sown in the sun.
And, as Carter Claus’ whip
cracked O’er Nixon's ear,
as Agnew blanched,
his eyes filling with tears.
Droplets hit sand with
a plop and a splatter
’pon the fruit tree seeds with
nary a clatter.
The desert grew green.
Trees sprouted and grew.
Hearts filled with wonder
bellies with stew.
Homes were rebuilt,
as before the fall.
Cook fires were lit.
Children grew tall.
And Ole Carter Claus
flew home in a daze,
passing out sandwiches
that Roslyn had made.
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