C T Myers - Both Audio and Text

C. T. Myers Just a couple weeks ago the boss called in an ad, hoping we could find a guy to fill Bill Daly’s shoes. Bill had fallen victim to the same thing that his dad had, causing him to lose his job - the culprit - too much booze! Having been the head mechanic, what the job entailed was tune-ups, flushing radiators, mufflers, lights, and tires. Right away the boss received a call that sounded promising, jotting down a note that read, “Nine-thirty - C. T. Myers.” Twenty after nine next morning, just a wee bit early, into Curly’s office walked a rather scrawny man. “I’m the guy who called about the job,” he blurted out, then reached to shake the boss’ hand and added, “my name’s Dan.” “Wait a second,” Curly quipped, “the guy that called me yesterday told me - like it’s written here - his name was - C. T. Myers… An’ if that’s you…it’s prob’ly best you understand right now: the two things I can’t tolerate are - men that drink…and liars! “I understand completely,” he replied, “and I’ll explain. C. T.’s just a nickname I picked up along the way. Ya’ see, when I was just a kid, I had this little problem. I had this crazy tendency - but not so much today - “To mutilate the threads on things! And thus, I got the nickname. The C. T. stands for ‘cross thread.’ Ain’t that cute?” the guy went on, “But rest assured I’ve practiced hard and now - I’m proud to say - my days of boogering threaded things, I swear to you, are gone!” Satisfied with what he’d heard, Curly gave the stranger application paperwork and told him, “Fill this out. Then - before you leave,” he added, “come to bay thirteen.” Curly sounded skeptical, his face was filled with doubt. “Any true mechanic,” he went on, “can wear a blindfold and quickly start the finest nut or bolt by - how it feels. On the hoist in bay thirteen’s my sixty-one DeSoto. I'm gonna have you change the oil, and then rotate the wheels!” “Piece o’ cake,” the stranger bragged, “I’ll do it with my eyes closed! Fire up the impact wrench…I’ll meet ya’ there in five. I’m a major Mopar fan. In fact...my daddy’s daddy used his fifty-seven Dodge to teach me how to drive!” “Shouldn’t be a problem then…I’ll wait in bay thirteen,” Curly pessimistically replied - then strutted out. Curious to watch the test, I followed Curly back, knowing what - the needless swapping tires - was all about. Six or seven minutes passed when in the stranger strolled. Scanning ‘round the shop, he quickly spotted Curly’s wrench. “Do the full rotation first,” a nervous Curly quipped, then took a seat to watch him from a nearby empty bench. Snatching up the impact wrench, a cocky C. T. Myers charged the left front tire…slid the socket on…then squeezed. Knowing almost instantly - because of how it strained - the switch was set improperly, a very much displeased Curly raced to stop the fool - who clearly didn’t know - the left side of a Mopar’s lugs turn backwards from the right. Unaware of why the gun was straining, C. T. said, “Thank the Lord for impact wrenches…man, this thing is tight!” Just as Curly made it to the car to grab the tool, its RPM would maximize, and Curly blew his top. Knowing what this meant, he ripped the gun from C. T.’s hands…turned the now-still socket toward the roof and let it stop. Cheerfully obliging when the boss roared, “Put your hand out,”- thinking he’d be dumping out the first of twenty nuts - C. T.’s face turned red as hell as Curly coldly snarled, “I didn’t run an advertisement looking for a putz!” Seeing that his interview was going down the drain, he tried to save his keester, but he only made things worse! In fact, in all the years I’d worked there, I don’t think I’d seen Curly lose his temper...and I’d never heard him curse! “Sorry ‘bout the broken stud,” the brainless dork began, “but that’s the risk you’re taking when you stoop to hiring fools! Apparently some nitwit put your nuts on backside out! Guys like that should go to jail for even touching tools. “Glad I’m not the only one that boogers nuts and bolts. Guess I’ll try the other side. Of course, I’ll - flip the switch.” “Like hell you will, you worthless turd,” an angry Curly screamed, “you claim to be a mopar fan, but don’t know which is which? “Get your dumb ass outta here. Why, any idiot knows - left-side studs on sixties mopar cars have left hand thread! And now you wanna ‘flip the switch’ - and break one on the right!” Well, I’m too clean to tell you - word for word - what Curly said. I’ll just say the boss that day was so darn stinkin’ mad, the way that he was burnin’ I’m surprised he didn’t smoke! At least…when he was leavin’…Curly halfway got him back by shatterin’ C.T.’s windshield with - the stud that he had broke! PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal) There are a bunch of my pieces on YouTube as well --- Cheers, Mark