By My Side

It's been three and a half months since you left my side, I'm still here, and I haven't died, I still feel the emptiness you left in me. I'm still deaf and I still can't see. It hurts so much when I see you with him, when I think to myself, what could have been? I want you to know I’m leaving this place, all because I'm alone, because you wanted space. I'm sorry I love you and I still don't know why you cried, I hurt myself with the thought of you, when you're not here, by my side. I want you here with me, more than you know, pain I try to hide, the pain you'll never know. I swear to God, I'm not right in the head. Too often I think I'd be better off dead. I'm not trying to be selfish, it'd be better for you too, if you didn't have to deal with me, and what I put you through. They said it would get easier. Christ, they were wrong. You’re still all I think about, all day long. I'm really not mad at you. You did what you had to do. The blame lies on me, for asking too much of you. All I want out of life is you by my side. For that alone I live, and for that I’d die. Now I know what heaven feels like, and now I know, I'm still alive.