But It's All I Have

A day, once, when you were just a name. A name, once, and then it all changed. Changed, once, and never again. God, please— never again. I don't want to look back one day And think on these memories And realize that the pain has numbed Yes it hurts Yes— yes, it hurts And I don't want it to stop I don't want you to go away I don't want healing to come I don't want you to be a scar I learn to get used to I want this to fester, To bleed slow and thick Stuck like initials carved in a tree I want your smile to still Steal my words Even from memory I know time is a painkiller And there's no way to stop it But I'll scratch and claw The entire way into the pit As I tumble from this brink of insanity Where I have built my home And back into the world of the living And a sense of normalcy Screaming your name And begging for you to save me I know I can live without you. This pain isn't a part of me. I know. But I want it— God, I want it. I'll stand barefoot on the broken glass Of our shattered, messy past I’ll grip it 'til my knuckles turn white And I’ll love you ‘til the day I die