Silent One Poet Rhyme

Notes About The Poem

Burning in fire

  sperantza voi chi entrate qui.
"Abandon all hope ye who enter here"

A story I must tell about an angel who fell.
One of the deadly sins, where the Devil always wins.
Lilith seduced his eyes, despite his manic cries,
stole his innocent mind and Lucifer's not blind,
for all the walls he'd built are now crumbling with guilt.
A moment of pleasure is now a deadly measure.
Satan's stolen his soul. as red eyed demons troll,
he's afraid to be found, because he knows he's hellbound.
There's no place he can hide with no halo left to guide.
He can hear regret yell at mental gates of hell.
Enticed by temptation, he pleads for redemption.
One moment of desire has left him burning in fire.

♡Like0

Share Poem

---

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Jude Herrick January 13, 2024 at 3:21 PM I knew it was a woman! .. "There's no place he can hide with no halo left to guide. He can hear regret yell at mental gates of hell. Enticed by temptation, he pleads for redemption. One moment of desire has left him burning in fire." By that first evil, first purgatory from a feminist who doesn't want to be a woman in her actions. Then eternal fire, not worth it man. Talk about from frying pan into the fire. At least rolling in the flames is romantic, he's got that.... But bigger better deal

Maria Williams January 12, 2024 at 6:32 PM Wow, I loved the story telling here. Really well written. Poor Lilith was really the first feminist, though , criminalized and demonized because of her stance against patriarchy. The story even goes that she was the first wife of Adam. Perhaps Adam was too soft and she too much a warrior, but apparently she was banished from Eden, and was so jealous of Eve that she came back as the serpent. However, I love your dramatic version more...Hugs

I Am Anaya January 12, 2024 at 8:48 AM Ooo Dante. I want to be constructive; I believe this can be categorized as a Myth because of its religious and cultural import. I watched a documentary; history & development of popular Fairy tales (made up stories for children or about children)...how they differentiate between Fables (have morals) Myths etc. "Satan's stolen his soul. as red eyed demons troll" there is a period which I believe doesn't go right..I enjoyed the story line of desire; it reminds me of my poem "Hellboy Meets Ladydeath" lol. Flawlessly written. Hope you enjoyed my review! Health & love ~Anaya I Am Anaya January 12, 2024 at 8:58 AM I love the beautiful image. I'm a sucker for Comic book Women Warriors!

A. Ormulyce January 12, 2024 at 7:44 AM A great write! Yes, Lilith is terrifying. I like your idea of an angel falling because of her.

Hiya Sharma January 12, 2024 at 7:00 AM Woah, this is such a powerful and hard-hitting poem dear Silent One.. I could feel the angst, agony and depressive depths of this poem that dwell in the search of a single flicker of hope.. As the heart doesn't want to let that fire reduce to ashes without burning away that darkness.. So heartfelt this is, when one loses innocence, peace and light to those evil forces that surround as like an aura of negativity. Sometimes our decisions make us regretful and even at the cost of suffocating life Hiya Sharma January 12, 2024 at 7:39 AM where death feels easier... Sigh, so poignant.. "stole his innocent mind and Lucifer's not blind", "Satan's stolen his soul. as red eyed demons troll, he's afraid to be found, because he knows he's hellbound." Absolutely brilliant wordplay.. An impactful read it was..

Sotto Poet January 12, 2024 at 6:42 AM Such a great poem is the downfall of a man who succumbs to temptation and loses his innocence, ultimately leading to his damnation, sin, seduction, guilt, and redemption. Your use of evocative and dark imagery conveys the sense of despair and hopelessness felt by the protagonist. Words such as "fall," "deadly sins," "seduced," "manic cries," "crumbling," "guilt," "hellbound," and "burning in fire" create a sense of foreboding and impending doom.

Vijay Pandit January 12, 2024 at 6:41 AM A moment of pleasure is now a deadly measure--One moment of desire has left him burning in fire--These two lines tell your story, SO. Temptation can trap and burn a soul as you so well express my friend.

Ink Empress January 12, 2024 at 5:19 AM This is brilliant! Very dark and gothic! I love how your wordplay throughout this. Especially “ Lilith seduced his eyes, despite his manic cries, stole his innocent mind and Lucifer's not blind,“ how deep is that and how soul hitting! Left me speechless with how youv written that Lucifer is not blind. “ A moment of pleasure is now a deadly measure.” This applies to today too. How so many get lost in tempraty happiness and materialistic pleasures unaware of the consequences! Clever and creative_ Ink Empress January 12, 2024 at 5:21 AM How you’ve passed that on here. And “ There's no place he can hide with no halo left to guide.“ the internal rhyme there is so catchy! And i love the depth of that line too! “ Enticed by temptation, he pleads for redemption. One moment of desire has left him burning in fire“ excellent ending! Powerful! And the highlight of this poem should be the seamless alliterations and internal rhymes! Pleasure reading this! Fave it is for me

Mrs. Yolanda Nicholsen January 12, 2024 at 3:58 AM Awesome very vivid enjoyed reading your work.