A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley | + Follow Poet |
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Burn

When things get too intense,
When the pain couldn’t cut deeper,
When the tears cease to stop,
When I shatter into pieces again
When words are seared into me

I don’t know how to handle
I don’t know how to cope
I don’t know how to deal with 
These thoughts, these emotions

This ugliness
This darkness
Where no light is found

This tar pit
This prison cell
Where no key exists

I want to drink it all away
Until I’m numb
I want to scrub it all away
Until my skin is raw
I want to write it all away
Until I run out of pen and paper
I want to play it all away until my fingers ache

But I’ve drank and it’s there the next day
I’ve scrubbed but I end up dirty again
I’ve written until tears smear the words
I’ve played until I’ve almost lost the desire

For now I burn
Quick and easy
Instant pain yet relief
A small wound

It builds up inside
Turmoil rolls through
A battle starts within
My mind races
My heart aches
My eyes tear
It won’t go away
This relentless storm
How much more God
How much more can I take?
And I start to feel the itch
Anxiety ridden
Frantic
My hands start to go wild
I need a release

So I burn
I lack the courage to cut
So I burn

I light a candle 
Letting it burn for a while
The wax so hot
As I get ready
To feel the pain
To let everything go
Everything built up
I’m anxious to pour
I grab the candle
The glass burning my fingertips
And I let the first drop fall
It takes my breath
As it sears my flesh
It feels so good
I pour another drop
It runs down my inner thigh
Pain chasing the trail
Sweet Release
I pour more until it puddles
I let it set
Soaking in the pain
I lean my head back
Sitting there
Letting the physical pain in
While letting emotional pain out
And the wax dries
And I peel away the blackness
Peel away the ugliness
Peel away the hurt

Sometimes there’s just redness left behind
Sometimes a small wound
Sometimes it heals slowly
But I see it and know
I’d rather have it
Than the blackness
So I burn
So I burn

Copyright © A Rambling Righting Riley - Shauna Riley | Year Posted 2011

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Dean Wood Date: 10/26/2011 10:54:00 AM wow yeah really mad. like you said this relates to my downward spiral. i can relate to so much in this. then i burn is a quality choice of words. you must have been there to be able to play the words so good. watch my space for more ive got so many on paper. very good though and i traveled it with you as you wrote i read, quality xx love dean x take care and keep writing for the pen is most deffinatly more powerfull than the machine gun x Login to Reply

Jslambert Mister Roboto Date: 3/5/2011 12:43:00 PM Very nice read on a subject I don't have much experience with. You made it easy to understand why people physically hurt themselves when feeling physcological pain. I would agree physical pain is much eaiser to overcome than emotional pain. Emotional pain lasts a lifetime while physical pain only lasts as long as it takes the body to heal the wound. Login to Reply