Burn

When things get too intense, When the pain couldn’t cut deeper, When the tears cease to stop, When I shatter into pieces again When words are seared into me I don’t know how to handle I don’t know how to cope I don’t know how to deal with These thoughts, these emotions This ugliness This darkness Where no light is found This tar pit This prison cell Where no key exists I want to drink it all away Until I’m numb I want to scrub it all away Until my skin is raw I want to write it all away Until I run out of pen and paper I want to play it all away until my fingers ache But I’ve drank and it’s there the next day I’ve scrubbed but I end up dirty again I’ve written until tears smear the words I’ve played until I’ve almost lost the desire For now I burn Quick and easy Instant pain yet relief A small wound It builds up inside Turmoil rolls through A battle starts within My mind races My heart aches My eyes tear It won’t go away This relentless storm How much more God How much more can I take? And I start to feel the itch Anxiety ridden Frantic My hands start to go wild I need a release So I burn I lack the courage to cut So I burn I light a candle Letting it burn for a while The wax so hot As I get ready To feel the pain To let everything go Everything built up I’m anxious to pour I grab the candle The glass burning my fingertips And I let the first drop fall It takes my breath As it sears my flesh It feels so good I pour another drop It runs down my inner thigh Pain chasing the trail Sweet Release I pour more until it puddles I let it set Soaking in the pain I lean my head back Sitting there Letting the physical pain in While letting emotional pain out And the wax dries And I peel away the blackness Peel away the ugliness Peel away the hurt Sometimes there’s just redness left behind Sometimes a small wound Sometimes it heals slowly But I see it and know I’d rather have it Than the blackness So I burn So I burn