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Poem
When things get too intense,
When the pain couldn’t cut deeper,
When the tears cease to stop,
When I shatter into pieces again
When words are seared into me

I don’t know how to handle
I don’t know how to cope
I don’t know how to deal with 
These thoughts, these emotions

This ugliness
This darkness
Where no light is found

This tar pit
This prison cell
Where no key exists

I want to drink it all away
Until I’m numb
I want to scrub it all away
Until my skin is raw
I want to write it all away
Until I run out of pen and paper
I want to play it all away until my fingers ache

But I’ve drank and it’s there the next day
I’ve scrubbed but I end up dirty again
I’ve written until tears smear the words
I’ve played until I’ve almost lost the desire

For now I burn
Quick and easy
Instant pain yet relief
A small wound

It builds up inside
Turmoil rolls through
A battle starts within
My mind races
My heart aches
My eyes tear
It won’t go away
This relentless storm
How much more God
How much more can I take?
And I start to feel the itch
Anxiety ridden
Frantic
My hands start to go wild
I need a release

So I burn
I lack the courage to cut
So I burn

I light a candle 
Letting it burn for a while
The wax so hot
As I get ready
To feel the pain
To let everything go
Everything built up
I’m anxious to pour
I grab the candle
The glass burning my fingertips
And I let the first drop fall
It takes my breath
As it sears my flesh
It feels so good
I pour another drop
It runs down my inner thigh
Pain chasing the trail
Sweet Release
I pour more until it puddles
I let it set
Soaking in the pain
I lean my head back
Sitting there
Letting the physical pain in
While letting emotional pain out
And the wax dries
And I peel away the blackness
Peel away the ugliness
Peel away the hurt

Sometimes there’s just redness left behind
Sometimes a small wound
Sometimes it heals slowly
But I see it and know
I’d rather have it
Than the blackness
So I burn
So I burn
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