Notes About The Poem

Broken Bleeding Heart

"How can the dead be truly dead when they still live in the souls of those who are left behind?" —Carson McCullers, The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter Which moron invented the term joy-riding tell me... where is the pleasure? An innocent cyclist mown down by a stolen car my only son ... left dying in the gutter - he didn’t stand a chance Six months later... I sit in silence in the juvenile court to observe four mealy mouthed little toe rags with sneering sniveling faces No one will admit to being the driver They stand in a line in front of the judge He orders they are sent to a young offenders institution They will be out after a short time... Yet my precious child has a life sentence ... in a cedar casket on my mantelpiece My life will never be the same but I take small comfort knowing that my son carried a donor card life support turned off organs to be harvested in death he gives life FICTION POEM Writing Challenge 2, July 2019 Melancholy- Poetry Contest Sponsored by Broken Wings 7/21/19
Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

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Chapman Avatar
July 28, 2019 at 4:44 AM
This isn't a nice poem. There's some terrible imagery here. I'd make a suggestion about the line: 'Yet my precious child has a life sentence...' and there's potential in the 'donor card'.
Mcgee Avatar
July 24, 2019 at 1:45 PM
Very powerful and so apt to many. Glad you got a top placement with this great poem. Congratulations.
La France Avatar
July 24, 2019 at 12:56 PM
Jan, congratulations on your win in my writing challenge with this great write, you do fiction perfectly, you could write a book, sure of it- well done !
Wolf Avatar
July 23, 2019 at 9:33 PM
Congrats on your win in the contest, Jan, with this 'Vintage Jan Allison' narration. Well done. ~ gw
Marcum Wong Avatar
July 23, 2019 at 6:34 PM
These circumstances could certainly be real Jan. Things like this unjustly happen all the time. You put a lot of feeling into this poignant piece. Constance is sure to love it! I do! xxoo : )
Duncan Avatar
July 23, 2019 at 6:01 PM
Nicely done :)
Hargreaves Avatar
July 23, 2019 at 12:47 PM
Hi Jan. Such sadness from this. I feel the despair for those who suffer such loss. But those who do these selfish reckless acts will learn one day 'what goes around comes around'. No one can escape the higher justice, for we are one in the cosmic mind. Take care Jan. Tony
Kiser Avatar
July 22, 2019 at 8:55 AM
Powerfully sad, a poignant point,you have penned. Food for thought.
Krutsinger Avatar
July 22, 2019 at 5:45 AM
Your poem inspired lots of fear and sadness in me for sure. Melancholy. Yes. But it resounded of truth. I am glad you typed FICTION POEM for that is a relief. But for others, it is not a fiction poem, thus the ring of truth. Nicely done Jan. Bravo!
Leffanta Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 3:08 PM
You have just disclosed why helpless people create gods in hopes of, "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord!" Good thing your son is finally home safe! Aloha! Rico
Allison Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 3:24 PM
He goes back tomorrow... and thankfully he doesn't ride any sort of bike:-) but sadly these tragedies happen:-( The contest wanted sad i hope Constance ;likes it:-) hugs Jan xx
Cunningham Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 2:31 PM
A tragic write Jan, and you hear of it happening in real life. Justice is a joke and the toe rags seem to thrive on it even filming it. A sick society we live in for sure. Good luck. Tom. PS. Hope your hand better now.
Allison Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 3:23 PM
Hi Tom,thankfully for me its fiction but sadly these tragedies do happen .Last week we went to a talk on the manx Prison service it was incredibly informative and there is a fly on the wall type documentary series starting on 31st July. Don't get me stared on sentences so short they just get straight out and offend again:-( hugs jan xx
Michael Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 1:13 PM
It happens every day...hard to explain...it seems unfair without recourse ...Very emotional write...Well done
Allison Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 1:18 PM
Thanks Arturo I like to surprise with the odd serious poem but Constance's contests often inspire me to write sad poetry rather than humour:-) hugs Jan xx
Andresen Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 1:02 PM
- Fighting for justice ... not easy - A really sad picture in this writing, Jan (glad it is fiction and your son is with you ) - One deceased donor can save up to seven lives ... it is fantastic :) - Good luck in the contest :) - hugs // Anne-Lise :)
Allison Avatar
July 21, 2019 at 1:05 PM
My son is home until tomorrow, sadly I've read of tragedies like this where the perpetrators get given a comparatively short sentence:-( hugs Jan xx
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