Broken

Every time you walk into my space, 
Everything that’s real about me,
Gets erased.
Somehow, it always ends up
My mistake—
Comatose I am,
to my own fate.
I have decades, years
Not knowing how--
Can I fix this ever,
 If not now?
Every step closer, you’re closing in on me,
You say cruel things
And then say you’re “helping me”
There’s always Doubt— anxiety needs approval:
I’m still inside this hole and 
You won’t hasten my removal.
Will you leave me stuck here?
I bend and bow, and
Bow and bend then try again, somehow-
 try once more, again, to get “me” back on track,  
Sometimes it feels like “me” is
Never coming back.
Broken me feels lost and helpless,
Ripped with pain,
Broken is still broken, 
No matter who’s to blame.
You become a non-person 
It happens slow—
 you don’t deserve to be respected, didn’t you know?
Everything you say is questioned, your life is made a lie--
You broke their hearts, you nasty person, just lay down and die!
Suffering’s hard, and so is pain, 
But there’s no one here to stop me, except me, and its become a game...
Of keeping tabs and hoping you’ll never see how broken I've become-
Yet your words against me are only lies, one day the curse will be undone.
One day, you’ll get a glimpse of your iceberg  cold
Heart
The Deja vu police’ll 
Catch up to you when speeding on a lark,
And ticket you for lying to GD, pretending--
You were only playing Peacemaker,
Your devotion neverending…..
Oh the Horror of admitting
You were in fact, Ego-sitting!
Then it will be plain,
It was YOU who commanded me to wear the Scarlet 
Letter,
Not because I sinned, but because you needed to be 
“Better”.
But until then, ‘dear’ Christian(s)
Who  committed me to this
Hole,
 You  currently offer generous condolences to 
Yourself, not me, the
“Infidel”…
Parading your mirrored mask,
Your friendly smile--now its on, now its off-- just like a faucet
While behind closed doors you 
Spread derogatory gossip—
And there can only be an ugly end to this 
Charitable epistle,
I wash my hands of them, and wait for their delusionary lies’ dismissal.
Those who stake their lives on 
Crying Wolf may
Seem to have the upper hand,
yet Gd sees through their fake disguises--
and always remains in command.
Patiently waiting 
with unseen surprises,
Blatantly ripping off 
Their dark, dirty 
disguises.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2021

Poem

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Deo Avatar
November 7, 2021 at 12:38 PM
so detailed about control-freaks and loving-haters. there is hope i grabbed onto, as i hope fake Christians will repent & make amends: "one day the curse will be undone. One day, you’ll get a glimpse of your iceberg cold Heart The Deja vu police’ll Catch up to you when speeding on a lark". shalom, shalom!
Darnall Avatar
January 12, 2022 at 3:39 PM
I really appreciated your comments- you are a wonderful encourager, Anil-especially during the Holiday season! I hope you are feeling blessed and I wanted to tell you that I really like your name, it sounds kind of musical- especially the 'Deo' part- does that mean God? Is that your real name? And thanks so much for sharing your faith in Yeshua Hameshiah, Shalom!
Deo Avatar
November 9, 2021 at 10:30 PM
In Jesus's name, the victimizer and "criminal" will repent, and soon, in Jesus' mighty name Yeshua Hameshiach, HOPE of the Universe and re-Creation. amen in Jesu, and shalom shalom Linda.
Darnall Avatar
November 9, 2021 at 7:28 PM
Shalom to you, too! I'm glad you found hope in this somewhere, and who knows--maybe a "loving-hater" (what a great description, btw) will one day hear a sermon, or a story about someone like them, & finally wake up, and weep...but I'm not holding my breath on that one!! Shalom!
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