Break Yourself Upon My Wave

Drink deep from an uncaring mother's breast As the sole consolation prize for the sin of aging Break yourself upon a wave of malice Sweeping the unworthy along for a ride And thus, some men are born as magnets To attract a certain type to them How many hammer blows can a sheet take Before breaking and requiring reforging? Thus does God cradle me in his lucky embrace Handing me opportunities perhaps unearned Allowing me to skate by unscathed in so many ways In exchange for all the other ways that make it through A pillar of Luck, both good and bad To roll one number shy of the winning one Is also a form of incredible luck Take solace in knowing you're lucky Hammer fall, hammer blow Pound me into mochi and dye me with your matcha Soft and malleable; a perfect flavor of your choosing And tear me apart with those perfectly straight teeth For the sin of overstepping For the sin of being born lacking chemicals For the sin of desiring you For the sin of being one man Slammed against the ocean floor An endless rain of hammer blows pounds me into the sand Worn down by the abrasive crystals And born anew as sea glass by your wave "Break yourself upon my wave," you laugh As six months pass with startling realizations Craving more, but not from your farm A brutal tyrant burns down a forest Your cinnamon poison courses through me As I forsake medicine in exchange for it Depressant upon depression To kill my brain to save my liver Endlessly gazing forward to stop myself from giving up When does forward end? When do I see I spent my life saving myself up Merely to leave a prettier body behind? Are you watching, O Sainted Phoenix? Was forsaking you the event that set me on a cursed timeline? Was that the moment I should have looked forward Instead of self-medicating? Endlessly lost in logic loops Preventing me from choosing either happiness or despair Living in a constant state of static stasis Breaking myself upon your waves.