Home » Poems » Mike Hauser » Brain Scratching 101

Brain Scratching 101

Have you ever had a major itch
Deep inside your brain
Where your whole face does a Chubby Checkers twist
Driving you erratically down crazy lane

You need to find that special something 
To cram far enough up your nose
And if you can't get to it that way
There's that hole just above the earlobe

I search around my place frantically 
When I come across a paper clip
Bending it to the perfect size and length
So in my canal of choice it will fit

I slide it in as far as it will go
Which causes a sever twitching of the eye
My left foot starts to tingle
As I lose all feeling down my right side

Clearly that didn't work 
So I search around some more
When I come across a #2 pencil
Feeling this is a major score

I use the end with the erasure
Don't want to break the lead off in my head
Everyone knows lead poisoning makes you stupid
And I am way far away from that!

So this time around I try the ear canal
When I wiggle it back and forth over a certain spot
My legs start to prance in a 70's disco dance
As I let out a rapid succession of barks

Any fool can clearly see
I need something long and sharp
Not a knife, I've never been that dumb in life
Now where's that old game of Lawn Darts

I search long and hard in the garage for the game
Then remember my wife threw it away
After the unfortunate incident with the neighbors
I never did care for that dog of theirs anyways

So I'm back to square one of my searching
When the broom handle catches my eye
It's a little wide so I get out my pliers
And stretch my nostrils to twice their normal size

I jam it in as far as I can
Giving it all that I have got
I scratch and scratch and laugh and laugh
I either just gave myself a lobotomy or hit the perfect spot
But what can I say either way it's okay
Just as long as the itching has stopped

funnyhumorfree verse

♡Like0

Poem

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.