Brain Scratching 101

Have you ever had a major itch Deep inside your brain Where your whole face does a Chubby Checkers twist Driving you erratically down crazy lane You need to find that special something To cram far enough up your nose And if you can't get to it that way There's that hole just above the earlobe I search around my place frantically When I come across a paper clip Bending it to the perfect size and length So in my canal of choice it will fit I slide it in as far as it will go Which causes a sever twitching of the eye My left foot starts to tingle As I lose all feeling down my right side Clearly that didn't work So I search around some more When I come across a #2 pencil Feeling this is a major score I use the end with the erasure Don't want to break the lead off in my head Everyone knows lead poisoning makes you stupid And I am way far away from that! So this time around I try the ear canal When I wiggle it back and forth over a certain spot My legs start to prance in a 70's disco dance As I let out a rapid succession of barks Any fool can clearly see I need something long and sharp Not a knife, I've never been that dumb in life Now where's that old game of Lawn Darts I search long and hard in the garage for the game Then remember my wife threw it away After the unfortunate incident with the neighbors I never did care for that dog of theirs anyways So I'm back to square one of my searching When the broom handle catches my eye It's a little wide so I get out my pliers And stretch my nostrils to twice their normal size I jam it in as far as I can Giving it all that I have got I scratch and scratch and laugh and laugh I either just gave myself a lobotomy or hit the perfect spot But what can I say either way it's okay Just as long as the itching has stopped