Boxing Day

Perhaps you see me it may be your gift to see or merit for hard work or maybe you paid for it with the lashings you endured but surely it is now your inescapable wretched curse as the truth haunts you but you cannot close your eyes like me. It is my fault I am as this to be as false as I am false is my name I cannot love that I have buried it inside and run away because it is too ugly easier to smile and pretend. My grandmother saw it in my blackened soul clever and easy to lie she hurt me made me ashamed and broken to protect the world and even me but her tricks did not work because I have killed too many hearts and poisoned those that survived even my own. I am cold and it is right I have suffered so because I lost my heart and replaced it with a ticking clock that pretends to beat like a happy butterfly and tries to convince me I have feelings that I cannot reach I am a masquerader of abundant hollow emotions that laugh and smile and cry but I never face myself in the dark alone because there is nothing to see without a light my flame has no fuel unless I suck it from another's bloody neck. I do not know myself because I cannot bear to look but I hate myself as much as you hate me and you should because every love I'm given is less for the world I am a black hole I give to get like Hansel and Gretel's keeper I only give love to fatten up my lover and open her precious tender trusting heart so that I can consume it in eventual flames and steal all of their future hope and faith in humanity. And I don't know how to stop and am too afraid to stop myself with the knife I keep hidden but never have the courage to use because I am a dark monster that pretends to be inviting like a pristine beach on a boxing day morning beckoning humanity to my shoreline so I can consume them with my hungry tsunami and leave them writhing in pain with all hope in shambles. Rescuers arrive in love one after another I greet them with open arms as if I am deserving needy blinded behind my veil pretending to myself until it is too late and just as they almost open my heart I swallow them under my next crushing wave.