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Blizzard in the Himalayas -- Revised

The wind howls across
Heavy snow buries the world
and then deep silence

I liked this better:

screeching wind, death sings
heavy snow buries, survive
a deep silence mourns

Copyright © | Year Posted 2014




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Date: 3/9/2015 10:24:00 AM
David, you have not posted lately. Decided to check you other works so here I am with your very first. Well, I'm no expert myself, but I like the first one. Have a good one, David. :)
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Date: 3/5/2015 7:32:00 AM
David, I wanted to visit your first poem and happy I did, well, I like both haikus really but that last line of the second one ' a deep silence mourns' is beautiful and thanks so much for visiting my poetry today . . .
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Date: 1/17/2015 9:50:00 PM
Well call me crazy, I kinda liked them both!
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Date: 1/16/2015 8:19:00 AM
I like the first one myself. Remove the capitalization on the first one and it will be more haiku like.
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Date: 1/4/2015 6:59:00 PM
I like them both. :O) Well done. :O) Keep up with the great work. Keep on penning. Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful and creative talents with us. We all truly appreciate it. *S* Cynthia
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Date: 1/2/2015 2:35:00 PM
hmm, kept clicking on things and ended up down here again. get a new one up for me to see!!
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Date: 12/26/2014 9:20:00 PM
I like line one of the second one best, but the second two lines of the first one. If that helps any!!
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Date: 12/26/2014 9:20:00 PM
by the way, our bed is California King. I LovE it!!
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Date: 12/3/2014 11:03:00 AM
Great one. But we should follow Debbie's advice. Love DavidXXX rajat
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Date: 11/14/2014 7:34:00 PM
The first is more haiku like. You are coloring the readers perception of the scene by using adjectives like screech & howl. haiku is predominantly a verse of nouns. Try using this guide, it's the clearest synopsis of what a haiku is http://www.graceguts.com/essays/haiku-checklist Light & Love
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David Meade
Date: 11/14/2014 7:43:00 PM
Thank-you for your helpful comments -- I would venture to say that most of what I call haiku would be better labeled free verse. I will continue to study . . . please keep you comments coming. All the very best.
Date: 11/14/2014 7:30:00 PM
David haiku has only 2 parts, two of the lines are connected grammatically & conceptually & the 3rd line leaps! slightly to something which is a small surprise but which would be possible to see in the same 'frame' if the original image was a snapshot. In the 1st one your subjects are wind/snow/ silence if you wanted to make this a haiku it would look like this (the wind howls/across the vale buried in snow:the scent of firewood) You can't have both a howling wind & silence. Light & Love
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Date: 11/7/2014 1:58:00 PM
Hi Dave...reading your introductory poem on Soup....like the change from loud noise to silence...can picture your blizzard picture. I think out of the two I prefer the first...there a better flow to it. // paul
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David Meade
Date: 11/7/2014 9:11:00 PM
Thank-you Paul, I think the contrast from the very loud wind to the very snow covered silence is striking. thank-you for your support.
Date: 11/3/2014 8:41:00 PM
I like the first one - more definite :) Dark and eery, David! Great job
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Date: 10/22/2014 11:37:00 AM
I like the picture this poem gives. Very descriptive. love phyl
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Date: 10/21/2014 10:37:00 PM
David, fascinating poem and I enjoyed your comments below as well!!
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David Meade
Date: 10/31/2014 1:49:00 PM
thank-you, mother nature can sure pack a punch! Many hikers died during this storm. All the best.
Date: 10/18/2014 10:14:00 PM
I read a story this morning about people being trapped by a rare October blizzard in the Himalayas, Katmandu, Nepal. The storm that hit was the remnants of a cyclone that hit India earlier in the week. What struck me about the story was a lady’s comment after this storm – 30 hours nestled in sleeping bags, the wind from the storm sounded like being in a helicopter . . . when the winds had subsided and the weather had cleared it was not the sun that I noticed . . . It was the silence.
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Richard Lamoureux
Date: 11/7/2014 8:33:00 AM
Fascinating story. I enjoyed your poem. Welcome to the soup.