Bitter Sweet

You never even saw him as you lay soaking up the sun tiptoeing with that bucket. Six years old and out for fun. The look of shock in your eyes as the water broke your sleep I laughed so much; sides ached as from my eyes tears did weep. You chased him round the garden mock anger in your strides. Always allowing him to escape, giving him time to hide, or at his birthday party you dressed up like a clown. All the other kids declared "You're the bestest in the town" Fake foam custard pies, you faced them all the day, never once did you cry "no more!" "Bring it on", is all you'd say. Rewinding all those memories a playback to yesterdays I live the future in the past My present in disarray. I remember it was a Winters day, the snow had come early this year. You had promised to go sledging, our sons eyes shone with such revere. I felt a little anxious protectiveness, a lump in my throat you held my hand with confidence, your voice held that inspiring note. "His time has come to learn to fly, to take on the world outside. You have taught him just and well, now his instincts must be his guide." I watched you both disappear, into the white blanket, feathering down, A nervous smile painted my lips trying to wipe away this worried frown. All day I kept myself busy watching the time; so slow. As night approached with shadows I paced the floor, to and fro. The knock came from nowhere, startling my captured thoughts. My mind racing, fractured ideas, calm, hysteria, battled and fought. two uniforms greeted my open door eyes looking everywhere but at me they had bad news. Two people had died. The car left the road, wrapped round a tree. My husband, my son, taken away leaving me alone in my grief. The spectre of death had paid us a call stolen my family, a heartless thief. Videotape memories don't replace whats real. The tears, the laughter, all gone. This house, no longer a welcome home. My continuing life somehow just wrong. As I slip into sleeping pill death I hope the stories are true that as I reach the doorway to heaven there waiting will be my son and you.