Before I Self Destruct

When I fell I had no one to help me up I was laughed at, Bullied and kicked while I was down Alcohol was too important to my parents for them to be around Someone give me a hug before I self destruct Forced to go through the storm alone with no rain coat on Hoping my nightmare would end but the pain goes on Parents didn't wrap me up or prepare me I stepped into the cold world and it scared me I was taken away from my parents and placed with foster families Made to feel worthless and they have the nerve to question my sanity 27 foster families by the age of 11 I'm used to change At 14 I started self-harming to try and remove the pain It worked for a while But most people could see the hurt in my smile Going to school with long sleeved jumpers in summer Feeling worthless because my parents didn't call despite having the number 5 days before my 15th birthday my Father passed away He wasn't my father, he was never there, I don't even miss him today Got to see him and mum 6 times a year if they turned up When he passed I was still waiting for my first hug I started sleeping with numerous girls not caring about their feelings Using them as my bandage because I was bleeding I was wrong for that, now I hate myself for treating those beautiful girls like that I was young and in a world of pain so I didn't know how to act I used so many girls for sex when I needed a hug more But I couldn't express it because I hadn't felt love before I've came a long way and I am no longer like this But the 16 year old me needed me to write this When I fell I had no one to help me up I was laughed at, Bullied and kicked while I was down Alcohol was too important to my parents for them to be around Someone give me a hug before I self destruct