Backhand of Meaning

It's blindsiding, the clarity that context brings. New eyes seeing the things I did before knowing any better. For a moment I got a glimpse at the reasons & answers I have been so desparately seeking for so long. Meaning became a taste, luscious on my tongue, velvet like ice-cream & just as long lasting. Love & hate are truly intertwined in a knot so untangle-able. Because love is nothing like I thought it was. & there's no greater pain than being numb… Sometimes I wonder if you ever got the chance to grow tiny little fingers like the baby book said. Because your tiny, unformed hands still hold my heart. You were my dawn breaking after the cold dead of night. Showing me love's caress in the light. You told me the strangest of stories. And one day, when I meet you, I will tell them back to you again. I will tell you, baby, that you made me understand living. I know life with you wouldn't have been easy. I ache for it every day. & like my shade from the harsh beat of the sun, you keep me safe. Reveling in your sacrifice, I have the strength to stay. Testing the waters of what it means to be free; death is the only ending - nothing greater can be taken from me.