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Attempts At Lifelong Friendships and Holy Matrimony

Introduction: once again I incorporate 
my trademark penchant 
to fabricate fictitiously
portions of the following poetic endeavor
can you care to 
discern fact from fiction?

Attempts at lifelong friendships and holy matrimony...

Shot thru with figuratively cankerous nub,
cuz yours truly did flub
even though as a scouting cub
how yours truly - alias Phil Anderer
committed faux paw unlike me papa bear,
he set admirable example
sidestepping and skirting carnal temptation, 
(testes one... two...; testes one... two...) 
squelching roaring testosterone
against succumbing, rutting, quieting 
call of the wild desire meaning 
inevitably envisioning seducing, 
mounting, kissing, caressing... 
receptive quite pleasing gals, 
nonetheless merely fending off such
verboten enticement left him panting. 

Think surrendering to playful kibitizing
as kickstarter to hanky panky;
said violation against matrimonial covenant,
thwarting potential indiscretion subsequently
linkedin with Capital one aplomb.

I never bore witness 
seeing me dada caught 
in sexually compromised contretemps
to any aforementioned high fidelity hubbub,
yet his sole male offspring (me)
begat courtesy Harriet and Boyce,
(but one minor tidbit to share, 
neither father nor mother physically alive
they long since passed away 
to Elysian Fields)
found their one and only son - nada faithful
blithely nixing pledged troth,
which rent asunder filial bond

between self and precious progeny
plus provoked wrathful ire
and eventually forgiving soul of thee missus,
nevertheless her heartfelt 
initial fury at discovery
of absent husband from Bryn Mawr quarters
didst activate pulse 
to throb considerably faster 
and louder than usual subdued lub dub
and even at present 
when daring to discuss 
mine moonlighting one night tryst
as Casanova wannabe, which
hard drive of mine generated message
Abort, Retry, Fail?

Though willy never freed 
flagellated empowered gamete sea men
despite libido being shifted to high gear;
sexual intercourse never consummated,
nor coital orgasmic bliss experienced
much less allowed, enabled and provided
ditto the recipient of mine adulterous affections.
Far fetched fanciful whim 
(hard to believe) fallacy
complicity, excitedly, and willfully 
following imaginative thought,
though following whim never expressed,
but how rousing, spellbinding, 
tantalizing the thought of foreplay
exciting, fondling, goading 
receptive flirtatious paramour, 
an alluring mistress of color
to attempt and strategize my abduction 
as random human trafficked heist
held prisoner until an undisclosed 
sum of ransom money 
delivered to the captors.

The wife ofttimes references taboo subject
regarding aborted love affair 
(alluding to side piece as underhanded gibe)
upon being probed, questioned, and raked 
over figurative coals with intimate queries.

These mild interrogations
trigger a sudden uptick 
in voluminous silence; 
tick tock transpires soundlessness
spikes male level lent rub,
between one once randy husband
and grateful wife; she exhibited forgiveness;
how virtuous ma lady accepting spouse,
which whole frisky fiasco
(on a Freaky Friday) 
fostered felicitous flagrante delicto 
induced reciprocal black barbs upon psyches
their paternal parent inflicted.

Although antics unbecoming 
monogamous kickstarted, declared, and avowed 
essentially compromising legally binding union
long since ceased
(matter of fact yesterday April 21st, 2022
me and the missus
went shopping at BJ's. Whole Club
200-C Mill Rd, Oaks, PA 19456),
the psychological fallout
still indelibly etched.

Tumultuous emotions roiled
driving past long gone
home of me childhood
324 Level Road no longer exists,
yet chuckful of memories
flooded mine consciousness
flashback triggered gamut
of existential trials and tribulations.

As a youngster behavior of yours truly
(i.e. mine) never purportedly "bad"
rather reserved, I gave no indication
then how such a cute beastie boy
when becoming acculturated
within loving family provenance
versus disaster later married life evinced
displayed, exhibited, and flaunted
characteristics antithetical, diabolical,
heretical, and piratical
(so much for hyperbole)
par excellence of an exemplary cad,
a most definite poor example

and embarrassment of one
good for nothing dad
to two adorable daughters,
who deserved better egad
myself as basket of deplorable
father figure in retrospect me not glad
carrying on illicit affair
trying to compensate
while cultivating the row
(elle) regarding husbandry
during and post pubescence
never going out on date,
nor kissing an attractive lass,

when poet of Perkiomen Valley
scores of years ago
besotted with anguish
extremely, governed as introvertedly,
and painfully shy lad,
(he knew nothing about
powder milk biscuits)
and more or less describes himself
during his adolescence as a "wallflower"
self deprivation concerning experiencing
life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness
found aging logophile mad
at himself missing out

on typical social/interpersonal casual forays
donned in fashionable dungarees and plaid
fast forward to mein kampf as unhappily wed
whereby hours spent
(rather wasted) posting
and answering personal classifieds
for female assignations
numbering well into bajillions
in other words quite a scad
only countless lunar months ex post facto
did sincere regret prevail
mooch more'n a tad;
dalliances involving barenaked ladies
costing inxs of any legal tender wad.

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