At First

On the warm wet day in december I look back at my life and remember How it was in days gone by Everyone i loved taken and still i know not why Years that cant be lived again Moments gone in a whisp of wind A tear slips from my eye down my face Times i wish could be replaced Each year has swifty sped away To be replaced with dismal gray Never having risked too much Never knowing true loves touch Always remembering the way pain felt Dealing with the hand fate has dealt Months later.. A burning hot day in August Looking about I find no one to trust Its never love just lust Leaving this spot is a must I can't breathe my mind abt to bust. Stuffed filled to overflowing capacity Yet it holds me here this god dam gravity Today is a tragedy A failed broken ed up strategy I felt each one they all came to visit Happiness knocked and as I let it in The lies begin Loyality a fart in the wind Secrets whispers yet again As happy left in came Pain Always up to his constant drain Hurting squeezing until no longer can I refrain The screams echo in this lonely brain Pain leaves only for Lonesome to rush upon me Letting me feel the empty The lack of sanity This is my reality Lonesome drags it's feet as it heads for the door. Only to take hope, faith, and more Dragging them from me as it did before. Ripping them from my very core. Their seats barely cool as Despair arrives This one is so hard to survive After all the others have left why be alive Then he starts, menacingly begins to unravel and conive Words silky smooth he takes his dive Within me now Despair so hard to be shaken. My world trembles I'm quaken Despair running it's course seems I am mistaken I am still breathing altho I feel my world breaking Still feeling as each crack lengthens This time my determination does not strengthen Why am I still breathing Death is all I'm needing Despair makes its place and settles for good Escaping from myself as if I could Just breathe I wish I would Step away from me you certainly should Despair stirs as something draws attention No please don't let that one be mentioned Today with despair settled in and not leaving I have stopped believing Stopped giving and receiving Now just a shell perhaps I'll be leaving My heart is almost complete numb This time I fell boy was I dumb Grasping at the littlest, a ing crumb I hope it doesn't wait I need them to leave and it to come..