Ashamed of My Scars

What I thought would be a moment of weakness turned into a moment of bravery When I was 15, my suicide note turned into a poem that saved me All I could do was use a pen to express the pain in my heart They are proof that I survived so I'm no longer ashamed of my scars My favourite time to write is when I have a heart full of pain and ideas in my head Looking back, anytime I fought back against depression it was me who bled 7 years free from Self-harm, I used to wear long sleeves on summer days Never been to prison, but due to depression I know what its like to be caged Every man for himself is the only thing that my sperm donor taught me He made me realise my own strengths by not being there to support me I used to talk to myself, but when around others, I was never comfortable speaking I would bury my emotions and hide my feelings because I wasn't good at grieving I've faced so many obstacles that my life feels like a survival course I've spent nights alone fighting suicidal thoughts Followed by days of battling monsters and demons Depression told me we were on the same page, I changed the script and stopped reading I put it all on the page because people will always try to reveal and expose your insecurities I've got nothing to hide, I put it out for the whole world to see I've made mistakes, but this is about my growth and maturity I always try and remain warm hearted even though it's a cold world for me Some scars are still bleeding but I'm finally healing within November 14th 2019 I was sexually assaulted on a night out and I'm slowly starting to have sexual feelings again I was broken when my ex girl told me I should just get over it, I understand she was frustrated that I wasn't ready to be intimate or perform But I found it easy to let her go, that was one loss I don't have to mourn I won't apologise for taking my time to heal and working at my own pace I have to live with the pain in my heart, and I'm just trying to make this home safe All I can do is write a poem to express the pain in my heart I used to be embarrassed, but I'm no longer ashamed of my scars