April

April... I didn't know you very well April. You were the start of spring, The beginning of new things. Offering a time for transition, expressing a sweet song for broken men, showing that what had withered away once could grow again. April, I sit here now and think of you as me. You are the most certain uncertainty. Your chill passes as wind thru my cotton tee. Your chill is me rushing thru those I've treated improperly. Your overcast sky is heavy like my regrets. It has encompassed my every individual action and step. Drenching my precious days as I stood wet, your rain fills the wrinkles of this face I cant forget. But April, I'm moving away from the mirror, far too long consumed, and stepping outside with you waiting for the flowers to bloom. April, your sun is dynamic when you show it. It is very much like mine within me and I know it. It turns me completely inside out, Still fierce with fire under that bed of grey doubt. Still hot as a lover's passion when it parts the storm clouds to shine. Yes April I am assured that your sun is much like mine. So April I do, I see. In your light is where I need to be. This is where I need to focus. Hopeful now for I know that nothing is hopeless. It is here and now that I raise my head from the muck and mire of years past dead. Here and now clawing mud from the pit of my eyes to see. April my statement is that Im going to be free. Like your sun sometimes immaculate in the sky, Im going to live more for me and be free or die. I accept the responsibility of success, so I'll try. And will rest my weary thoughts without inquiring into why? Why? Why? Why it all came to be as it did. I don't know but the best I can do is change how I live. I wont be selling my cherished ideals, Im no longer poor. I wont be pawning off my outbursts for a cheap pop no more. Because I need more. More baby, more. And I know where I need to go. To kick-start my throbbing heart, I'm digging back to my roots to grow. So while your leaves stream upward and tulips glow from their bulbs, I'll stand outside myself again, fully content to be exposed. April, I can grow with you now, knowing that I know, I left myself behind a long time ago. But that's o.k., somehow i'm thinking WOW! I've always dwelled somewhere other than here and now. . I'm here now though, its crazy, I sense that I may be fine. For the love I lost has found me again, revealing it's almighty face in mine.