Appalachian Granny Magic

Oh cousin what can I do That man I'm married to Stays drunk and runs around He's nothing but a hound All our money goes to his booze Wolves howling at the door for their dues And I'm at my very wit's end Is there something you can recommend The old Granny knew his past And other ailments he'd amassed Bad vision, high blood pressure, and diabetes Was no excuse for being sleazy She had just the cure for it all In the vine growing on her back wall Kudzu grows a foot a night some say So serve it at his next soiree He will no longer feel the need to partake Free of hang overs and head aches But it will lengthen his life a great deal more And nothing can cure him from being a man whore So she thought for a minute and weighed out the odds Prayed to his holiness and marriage gods Then she decided to drink it instead She would outlive the man, happily unwed.