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An Elevated Love

The sun shines and the birds fly We're all alone just her and I The love lifting us up so high It feels like we're floating in the sky Your love I could never deny To be with you is all I want to do Thick and thin we will go through As we stand as one made by two The love in our hearts forever grew And that was the moment I knew The rest of my life I will give to you Your love makes every day feel brand new While your beauty paints my view Hoping it's known, for you, my love is true So you'll never need to fear for a fond adieu To your love, I will never say goodbye For things that may go awry So to you, I will never lie Or for that matter make you cry knowing when you're gone my heart will die 7/17/2017

Copyright © | Year Posted 2017




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Date: 10/24/2017 2:31:00 PM
Hello Jeremy, I like this love poem you wrote.I like the whole poem. Also the last line. Have a nice day my friend.
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Date: 7/19/2017 6:49:00 PM
Nice mono rhyme but an honest critique would go like this, kind of a simple write, quite a few cliches, better to avoid them, and come up with something that hasn't been said a thousand times. So yes the brutal truth, sorry not too original, but the bright spot hard to do mono rhyme, but you did it well, also syllable count varies but doesn't disrupt the flow too much. Only because you asked for it Jeremy!!
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Jeremy Smith
Date: 7/19/2017 6:54:00 PM
Lol Thanks, John :) All that just makes it so much more special ;)
Date: 7/18/2017 8:42:00 AM
Monorhyme is not easy, but you did well :)
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Jeremy Smith
Date: 7/18/2017 12:34:00 PM
Thanks Darren for the comment and view :)
Date: 7/17/2017 6:26:00 PM
Great title and great poem, Jeremy! Good flow too.
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Jeremy Smith
Date: 7/17/2017 6:28:00 PM
Thanks White Wolf :)

Book: Shattered Sighs