An Auld Scottish Matelot On Lockdown In Malta

An Auld Scottish Matelot on Lockdown in Malta The Maltese Government says we are not to go oot A mere doddle to us auld yins who have been aboot Cod War, Falklands, Gulf War and more Assume NBCD state 1 condition Zulu Alpha And shut the Fxxxing DOOR! Get the crib board out and Uckers TOO Trouble is her in doors has not a CLUE I could secretly write my memoirs at NIGHT But perhaps not as I could be in a lot of legal E And also how do you explain your runs ASHORE Down the Gut behind the green DOOR A Daily Orders printed every DAY Followed to the letter come what MAY Call the hands would be FINE Except being a Greenie I don’t get up till NINE! With Australian Breakfast she has a MOAN You have to hop up and get yer OWN I am mess cooks every day which isn’t FUN Except She made the roster ONE in ONE! Still cooking isn’t her TRICK Thank God for that as my ass would be constantly SICK At least there is no queue for SCRAN I have done me bag meals so escaped her fxxxing FRYING PAN At 1700 she assumes the role of the PTI My sports gear on and I want to CRY On the bike for half an hour or MORE Bloody saddle tortures my ass and I am SORE “Don’t forget the weights” She calls, “My Dear”! When all I want is a fxxxing BEER! She has been knitting quite a lot in the HOOSE? Seriously worried as it looks like a NOOSE? Pipe Down is drawing near in the HOOSE Terrified noo as her knitting reveals a HANGMAN’S NOOSE! She is also the Ship’s Barber and plans to cut my HAIR Please, please Lord End this Fxxxing NIGHTMARE!!!!