An Auld Scottish Matelot On Lockdown In Malta
An Auld Scottish Matelot on Lockdown in Malta
The Maltese Government says we are not to go oot
A mere doddle to us auld yins who have been aboot
Cod War, Falklands, Gulf War and more
Assume NBCD state 1 condition Zulu Alpha
And shut the Fxxxing DOOR!
Get the crib board out and Uckers TOO
Trouble is her in doors has not a CLUE
I could secretly write my memoirs at NIGHT
But perhaps not as I could be in a lot of legal E
And also how do you explain your runs ASHORE
Down the Gut behind the green DOOR
A Daily Orders printed every DAY
Followed to the letter come what MAY
Call the hands would be FINE
Except being a Greenie I don’t get up till NINE!
With Australian Breakfast she has a MOAN
You have to hop up and get yer OWN
I am mess cooks every day which isn’t FUN
Except She made the roster ONE in ONE!
Still cooking isn’t her TRICK
Thank God for that as my ass would be constantly SICK
At least there is no queue for SCRAN
I have done me bag meals so escaped her fxxxing FRYING PAN
At 1700 she assumes the role of the PTI
My sports gear on and I want to CRY
On the bike for half an hour or MORE
Bloody saddle tortures my ass and I am SORE
“Don’t forget the weights” She calls, “My Dear”!
When all I want is a fxxxing BEER!
She has been knitting quite a lot in the HOOSE?
Seriously worried as it looks like a NOOSE?
Pipe Down is drawing near in the HOOSE
Terrified noo as her knitting reveals a HANGMAN’S NOOSE!
She is also the Ship’s Barber and plans to cut my HAIR
Please, please Lord End this Fxxxing NIGHTMARE!!!!
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment
Turn off ads, get more exposure for your poetry, and get more features with a
Premium Membership.
