An Advent For My Father

I expected it with you, because you were suffering I didn’t want it but it seemed a mercy Of sorts But now, when she wants to join you, to stop The suffering, the confusion,the helplessness The separation from you, two sons, and her God Everything you all told me seems true Just harder, lonelier, and now I’m the adult, the father, the husband The weddings you’ll miss, the growing old Not knowing your grandsons But what is good with and without you Is because of you, the love you gave There is a husband, a son, and more of us In you, with you and waiting A son lost on Christmas, six without you now and a wife trapped in a mind betraying her before Death, eternity, a slow wait You taught me not to quit, to struggle with doubt You never gave an easy way out Hard on the child, kind to the man I don’t want you back, I will miss mom But I want her with you, and my brothers Make a place ready, but don’t rush I’ll be awhile