An Advent For My Father
I expected it with you, because you were suffering
I didn’t want it but it seemed a mercy
Of sorts
But now, when she wants to join you, to stop
The suffering, the confusion,the helplessness
The separation from you, two sons, and her God
Everything you all told me seems true
Just harder, lonelier, and now
I’m the adult, the father, the husband
The weddings you’ll miss, the growing old
Not knowing your grandsons
But what is good with and without you
Is because of you, the love you gave
There is a husband, a son, and more of us
In you, with you and waiting
A son lost on Christmas, six without you now
and a wife trapped in a mind betraying her before
Death, eternity, a slow wait
You taught me not to quit, to struggle with doubt
You never gave an easy way out
Hard on the child, kind to the man
I don’t want you back, I will miss mom
But I want her with you, and my brothers
Make a place ready, but don’t rush I’ll be awhile
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