Always Know Best

My family doesn't understand How me and my brain work Or all the instabilities in my head, Feeling like I might break At any point or another, How I could cry at any moment, How I am never relaxed at any time, How I am so untrusting because Of the trauma I've been dealt That they don't even know about I just want to take a day off But I'm not allowed because "We never get to see each other much" And I can't just stay home even though I've just been through another bad thing But who cares, get over it, fight on Well, that's easy to say but is such Toxic thinking to put down another And to just say to "get over it", I'm sorry, but the pain is real And I just want it to go away So I want to take a sick day today But I'm not allowed to take time To recuperate and recollect myself, No, I have to go out into public, A place which never fails to Make me feel oh-so uncomfortable And never let me be able to relax And I like how they say, "You can relax anywhere as long as you try!" But that is such utter fallacy for me, The one who deals with so much anxiety, I mean, who can blame me for wanting to be Comfortable in my own house for a day? To take a day for myself and feel better? But of course, that isn't a thing I get And they try to empathize with me, But they only use themselves and don't Even try to understand what I might feel Compared to how they would, Like they are just telling themselves What to do, not even me anymore Like I'm not the subject anymore, But since when was I ever? Not like I'm the one that matters, "Oh, well your grades are good, move on" But they put so much effort into My siblings who don't do as great, "You're doing that? That's great, that's fine" But they push my siblings to do things, Never a thought about me, Or any reason to put any effort in me Although, I guess I'm lucky since I don't need their help, not that even When they gave it to me it was any good They talk me down now about not Bottling up my emotions, but they were The ones to first instill the idea in my head, Never letting us be anything but Completely and utterly happy, otherwise You were told to stop and stamp it out I'm sorry I'm not perfect, But that's not what you raised me to be, I guess in the end, family does not Always know best Written on March 20, 2021