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My family doesn't understand
How me and my brain work
Or all the instabilities in my head,
Feeling like I might break
At any point or another,
How I could cry at any moment,
How I am never relaxed at any time,
How I am so untrusting because
Of the trauma I've been dealt
That they don't even know about
I just want to take a day off
But I'm not allowed because
"We never get to see each other much"
And I can't just stay home even though
I've just been through another bad thing
But who cares, get over it, fight on
Well, that's easy to say but is such
Toxic thinking to put down another
And to just say to "get over it",
I'm sorry, but the pain is real
And I just want it to go away
So I want to take a sick day today
But I'm not allowed to take time
To recuperate and recollect myself,
No, I have to go out into public,
A place which never fails to
Make me feel oh-so uncomfortable
And never let me be able to relax
And I like how they say,
"You can relax anywhere as long as you try!"
But that is such utter fallacy for me,
The one who deals with so much anxiety,
I mean, who can blame me for wanting to be
Comfortable in my own house for a day?
To take a day for myself and feel better?
But of course, that isn't a thing I get
And they try to empathize with me,
But they only use themselves and don't
Even try to understand what I might feel
Compared to how they would,
Like they are just telling themselves
What to do, not even me anymore
Like I'm not the subject anymore,
But since when was I ever?
Not like I'm the one that matters,
"Oh, well your grades are good, move on"
But they put so much effort into
My siblings who don't do as great,
"You're doing that? That's great, that's fine"
But they push my siblings to do things,
Never a thought about me,
Or any reason to put any effort in me
Although, I guess I'm lucky since
I don't need their help, not that even
When they gave it to me it was any good
They talk me down now about not
Bottling up my emotions, but they were
The ones to first instill the idea in my head,
Never letting us be anything but
Completely and utterly happy, otherwise
You were told to stop and stamp it out
I'm sorry I'm not perfect, 
But that's not what you raised me to be,
I guess in the end, family does not
Always know best

Written on March 20, 2021
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