Again

It comes in waves
Before you know it
Was it always there
 It comes in waves
You didn’t think about it today
Did I make it up
Is pain a feeling I’ve ever known
 It comes in waves
This time was stronger than usual
The emptiness it left seems bigger than the space inside of me. 
Gulping down anything to furnish the bleak landscape left behind until the swirling world resembles the swirling blacks and grays of once intimately known emotions that now seem so far away, out of reach, unable to be processed
 It comes in waves
The sun rises and flowers bloom
Blossoming despite the previous storm that threatened to upheave them from their home
Birds flitting from tree to tree
Sun shining down washing away the brain fog and stress like the shortening shadows of the trees it tries so hard to eradicate
It’s almost peaceful in the warm summer morning
 It comes in waves 
Empty. Again. Aching
Aching to stop feeling
Aching to feel anything more than the resonating nothingness
A feeling that cuts more than any pain
An absence of feeling more palpable than any emotion I’ve ever felt before
Aching
An ache that burns more than the cold air that I greedily breathe to steady myself
Greed
Maybe greed is my problem
Gluttony
The need to consume
Consuming food, drinks, drugs
Indulging beyond satiety, past inebriation
Until I’m numb to even the barren pit that I covetously attempt to fill
The pit that tortures me with its yearning to be filled
So I stuff it with the broken splinters I was given as love before I knew better
They protrude like broken glass through a plastic bag as if reaching out not only to hurt me but those that get close enough to feel the violent nature of how I care for things
The sky is dark
I think a storm is coming
They come in waves

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Beata Agustin

Date: 5/7/2025 8:30:00 AM

Thanks for sharing this... exposing your thoughts through your unique poetic style. Welcome to Poetry Soup. I welcome you with the love of the Lord, expressed by John 3:16 of the Bible, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." Be blessed.