After the First Attempt

I can’t handle this much longer, Can’t handle myself. I don’t tolerate my own presence, Not for much more longer. I can’t bare another breath of life, But going would be so selfish of me; But then again others keeping me here, Even though I’m suffering, Isn’t that selfish of them too? So, Who’s more selfish? Me for wanting this unbearable pain and void within myself to end? Or you, Wanting me ti stay because my going would cause you pain? I’m so incredibly lonely, And any. So clearly angry, At everything, And everyone. I don’t want to feel this fire within me anymore, But that fire is the only proof of my existence. How do I know if I’m alive? How do I know if I’m real? Maybe I’m not. Hopefully I’m not. Hopefully my whole reality is an illusion, A coma, A drug induced dream. But the risk is it isn’t is way too high.