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A Wisp of Thought

There was a glimpse of time unknown to man The things none may ever describe All wrapped within this wall of thoughts For if a moment of my thoughts are clear They are not my thoughts at all Never again will I see the light of the heavens above Never again will I feel so safe Entrenched within my thoughts is where ill forever lay For having become none other than the devils own The heavens taunt me with pleasant dreams For perhaps man wrought hell upon themselves for naught The story of I Blessed with empty pages For this road has more than two paths to walk Within each lies its own end Never meant to harbor warmth Each torn to threads of mere threads Save for the hope of peace in surviving the journey Which was never truly there To walk across the drawn line in vain, like myself Perhaps without myself you may ever truly succeed Born beneath the men and women who harbor hatred Perhaps it was I who inspired the following silence To be mocked with loving smiles from whom I burden Laughter and glee beneath a veil of hatred, To which, I was never blind Though none may ever admit to such things I can forever admit to seeing truth within the lies Am I so simple I can not fathom true humanity? Only glimpsing the truth of time behind your lifeless eyes I did not believe I was your own blood For death and life seem to forever cross the path I walk I cannot see your eyes without the heavens light to guide me I see now they are much like mine That vision burned into my veins so thoroughly Clinging to an emotion so deep within my mind To truly be a master of puppets I am the novice of none In the trials and scenes of such a violent game Never will I fail to pull the chords of myself Fading further and further away from whom I never was Perhaps I was never committed to life Far too close to this hangman's noose, I ceased to fight Is there such a thing called sanctuary? A place or time perhaps I could lay down my arms For never have I known my armor to be so tight around me Never have I felt such a desperation to let go of my shield For being so unbearably denied any affection I sob alone beneath my helmet, begging for hands to hold onto Though I am ever greeted with devastating blows unto my shield Merciless swings at my heart an untold number of times Until I alone remain atop this mountain of vile For never have I sent my blade to seek its target I only hold my ground For how dreadfully I fought to stay alive Those around only seem to scowl Should I let my armor release itself, I must show my face And to do that, I am not allowed For only then, would the bowels of hell understand my shame For it is not war I was sent to fight It was a sacrifice of me within your place So that no others must wear this armor I shall remain alone, sobbing To be the one to hold onto this pain Perhaps one day, someone will be within reach Someone to softly whisper my name With unseen tears I tread this path In armor rusted from the blood of my thoughts, I seek a world unlike my own For every step I take, slowly I fade to dust For wisdom comes with a price rarely known A willingness to dissolve who I want to be As I traverse this beautiful path, Only angels are owed Piece after piece of me disappear For I may never let down my shield for even a moment Even though I may fall apart There may be no sanctuary for one as me For I am not allowed past the gates above But even below, I am not allowed any direction As I am merely void of belonging in this place, Allowing none to truly know me For getting to close to darkness, Will surely cast you aside heavens gate as well Counting the days passing may give you comfort But only with patience will you learn how to be like me To be truly unloved To shed tears equal to the sea It was across this ocean I wandered Contemplating peace beneath the gentle mist of the sea For how else could man search for something that doesn’t truly exist Something I could never feel, smell or be I sit alone across my broken raft Lost in this vast land of tears Pleading with the sky above to bring me home Trembling, as I beg for one last glimpse If home was ever truly waiting, I would never know I wouldn’t dare to dream of it For lately dreaming steals all hope And when I see your lips form a smile I feel as if I’m something more Though I desire to be a man strong enough If I am strong, I am unsure For I screamed and sobbed until the windows of my heart shattered So violent are the memories I watch like a tape Crimson covered walls in a room with no light With the window to my heart broken Only a fool would risk reaching for whats left to take For you should never risk death for a chance to fix my leak Even I seek just a bed to give into this ever needed sleep And when I feel a finger wither at my touch I reel away as to not make the same mistake Can you see now, dear friend, what I see? A willow tree gently swaying between the breaths of the world With each gentle wisp of this warmth surrounding us Beneath lies a bed made of leaves, whispering softly Enticing you to wander near Elegant light shines upon your smile As you sit within Heavens lair Not a thousand sunsets would ever be equal To such an angels hair For in this wonderful field of grass It feels as though your lying on air For no place in the world could match this dream No evil could ever wander near It is such a beautiful sight, the one I see One only few would ever share The one place I’m not allowed For I’ve learned so much about desire Through endless years of despair It is here, only you belong Within the safety of such a place Heavens lair Never have I known the world to exist in such a color Watching the Heavens shatter upon the slightest breeze While Hell alone praised me in my misery For as a young boy I saw such evil While as a young man I became one with it At what point did the paths of life show themselves, I wonder For in this long awaited journey I still wander Ever so slowly, shall I walk onward

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019

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