A Wisp of Thought
There was a glimpse of time unknown to man
The things none may ever describe
All wrapped within this wall of thoughts
For if a moment of my thoughts are clear
They are not my thoughts at all
Never again will I see the light of the heavens above
Never again will I feel so safe
Entrenched within my thoughts is where ill forever lay
For having become none other than the devils own
The heavens taunt me with pleasant dreams
For perhaps man wrought hell upon themselves for naught
The story of I
Blessed with empty pages
For this road has more than two paths to walk
Within each lies its own end
Never meant to harbor warmth
Each torn to threads of mere threads
Save for the hope of peace in surviving the journey
Which was never truly there
To walk across the drawn line in vain, like myself
Perhaps without myself you may ever truly succeed
Born beneath the men and women who harbor hatred
Perhaps it was I who inspired the following silence
To be mocked with loving smiles from whom I burden
Laughter and glee beneath a veil of hatred,
To which, I was never blind
Though none may ever admit to such things
I can forever admit to seeing truth within the lies
Am I so simple I can not fathom true humanity?
Only glimpsing the truth of time behind your lifeless eyes
I did not believe I was your own blood
For death and life seem to forever cross the path I walk
I cannot see your eyes without the heavens light to guide me
I see now they are much like mine
That vision burned into my veins so thoroughly
Clinging to an emotion so deep within my mind
To truly be a master of puppets
I am the novice of none
In the trials and scenes of such a violent game
Never will I fail to pull the chords of myself
Fading further and further away from whom I never was
Perhaps I was never committed to life
Far too close to this hangman's noose, I ceased to fight
Is there such a thing called sanctuary?
A place or time perhaps I could lay down my arms
For never have I known my armor to be so tight around me
Never have I felt such a desperation to let go of my shield
For being so unbearably denied any affection
I sob alone beneath my helmet, begging for hands to hold onto
Though I am ever greeted with devastating blows unto my shield
Merciless swings at my heart an untold number of times
Until I alone remain atop this mountain of vile
For never have I sent my blade to seek its target
I only hold my ground
For how dreadfully I fought to stay alive
Those around only seem to scowl
Should I let my armor release itself, I must show my face
And to do that, I am not allowed
For only then, would the bowels of hell understand my shame
For it is not war I was sent to fight
It was a sacrifice of me within your place
So that no others must wear this armor
I shall remain alone, sobbing
To be the one to hold onto this pain
Perhaps one day, someone will be within reach
Someone to softly whisper my name
With unseen tears I tread this path
In armor rusted from the blood of my thoughts,
I seek a world unlike my own
For every step I take, slowly I fade to dust
For wisdom comes with a price rarely known
A willingness to dissolve who I want to be
As I traverse this beautiful path,
Only angels are owed
Piece after piece of me disappear
For I may never let down my shield for even a moment
Even though I may fall apart
There may be no sanctuary for one as me
For I am not allowed past the gates above
But even below, I am not allowed any direction
As I am merely void of belonging in this place,
Allowing none to truly know me
For getting to close to darkness,
Will surely cast you aside heavens gate as well
Counting the days passing may give you comfort
But only with patience will you learn how to be like me
To be truly unloved
To shed tears equal to the sea
It was across this ocean I wandered
Contemplating peace beneath the gentle mist of the sea
For how else could man search for something that doesn’t truly exist
Something I could never feel, smell or be
I sit alone across my broken raft
Lost in this vast land of tears
Pleading with the sky above to bring me home
Trembling, as I beg for one last glimpse
If home was ever truly waiting, I would never know
I wouldn’t dare to dream of it
For lately dreaming steals all hope
And when I see your lips form a smile
I feel as if I’m something more
Though I desire to be a man strong enough
If I am strong, I am unsure
For I screamed and sobbed until the windows of my heart shattered
So violent are the memories I watch like a tape
Crimson covered walls in a room with no light
With the window to my heart broken
Only a fool would risk reaching for whats left to take
For you should never risk death for a chance to fix my leak
Even I seek just a bed to give into this ever needed sleep
And when I feel a finger wither at my touch
I reel away as to not make the same mistake
Can you see now, dear friend, what I see?
A willow tree gently swaying between the breaths of the world
With each gentle wisp of this warmth surrounding us
Beneath lies a bed made of leaves, whispering softly
Enticing you to wander near
Elegant light shines upon your smile
As you sit within Heavens lair
Not a thousand sunsets would ever be equal
To such an angels hair
For in this wonderful field of grass
It feels as though your lying on air
For no place in the world could match this dream
No evil could ever wander near
It is such a beautiful sight, the one I see
One only few would ever share
The one place I’m not allowed
For I’ve learned so much about desire
Through endless years of despair
It is here, only you belong
Within the safety of such a place
Heavens lair
Never have I known the world to exist in such a color
Watching the Heavens shatter upon the slightest breeze
While Hell alone praised me in my misery
For as a young boy I saw such evil
While as a young man I became one with it
At what point did the paths of life show themselves, I wonder
For in this long awaited journey I still wander
Ever so slowly, shall I walk onward
Copyright © Jakob Towell | Year Posted 2019
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