A Titch More of Tom's Torturously Terrrible Tidbits

I went to buy an R.V. They said all I could afford was a Lose-a Beggo. I bought a pair of alligator shoes. But then I started wandering off into swamps. Finally, I had to toss them, they were really biting my feet. I got arrested for tossing an endangered species. I got a fantastic price on a 1995 calendar. I discovered the Missing Link. (Of my broken chain). Were cell phones invented for prisoners? I bought a hot dog from a street vendor in NYC. I guess he didn't like my looks. He offered me mustard gas. Speaking of hot dogs, I bought a $500 hot dog roller-grill machine. But then I could no longer afford the hot dogs. I'm so dumb I used to think hot dogs were Dobermans left out in the sun. The waiter asked me if I wanted some mussels. I said I couldn't afford the gym membership. What's in a name? Letters, I guess... I use Military time, cause I thought the o'clocks were just for Irish people. Did the Ottoman Empire build forts out of armless sofas? Someone told me they wanted to see Tibet. I said, "Why?...No one will win." I couldn't afford the colon cleanser, so I got a semi-colon cleanser. Why do they call those big eighteen wheeler trucks "Semis"? Where's the other half? Whoever said "All good things come to those who wait" must've had a different postman. My neurologist calls me Mr. Numskull. Someone asked me what my net worth was. I said I pay $9.95 a month to be online. I have so many electric pianos the electric company had to build another power plant. Amazon doesn't like me either. I ordered an 8mm camera- they sent me a loaded 9mm gun with instructions on suicide. Have a good one, more on their way. (If you wish to unsubscribe to Tom's Terrrible Tibits, Tough Nookies!)