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I went to buy an R.V.
They said all I could afford was a Lose-a Beggo.

I bought a pair of alligator shoes.
But then I started wandering off into swamps.
Finally, I had to toss them, they were
really biting my feet.
I got arrested for tossing
an endangered species.

I got a fantastic price on a
1995 calendar.

I discovered the Missing Link.
(Of my broken chain).

Were cell phones invented for  prisoners?

I bought a hot dog from a street vendor in NYC.
I guess he didn't like my looks.
He offered me mustard gas.

Speaking of hot dogs, I bought a $500
hot dog roller-grill machine.
But then I could no longer afford the hot dogs.

I'm so dumb I used to think hot dogs
were Dobermans left out in the sun.

The waiter asked me if I wanted some
mussels.  I said I couldn't afford the 
gym membership.

What's in a name?
Letters, I guess...

I use Military time, cause I
thought the o'clocks were just
for Irish people.

Did the Ottoman Empire
build forts out of armless sofas?

Someone told me they wanted to see Tibet.
I said, "Why?...No one will win."

I couldn't afford the colon cleanser, so I got a semi-colon cleanser.

Why do they call those big eighteen wheeler trucks "Semis"?
Where's the other half?

Whoever said "All good things come to those who wait" must've had a different 
postman.

My neurologist calls me Mr. Numskull.

Someone asked me what my net worth was.  I said I pay $9.95 a month to be 
online.

I have so many electric pianos the electric company had to build another power 
plant.

Amazon doesn't like me either.  I ordered an 8mm camera- they sent me a 
loaded 9mm gun with instructions on suicide.

Have a good one, more on their way.

(If you wish to unsubscribe to Tom's 
Terrrible Tibits, Tough Nookies!)

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