A Lot To Say

Something’s caught inside and it must escape before time runs out and it’s too late. I can’t hide it anymore it’s driving me mad. This feeling that I’ve never before had. How do I tell him? How do I make it clear? That I hold feelings for him and I won’t release them because of fear. I can’t quite explain it but I’m afraid of being hurt. He says he’d never do that but before I’ve lain in the dirt. A pool of mud where someone I cared for left me. Now when it’s time to love, trust is a little hasty. I understand my feelings but I’m not sure if he’ll accept them. He told me he’s never experienced love so why with me. I don’t want him to say it back just to make me happy. If it’s there then it’s great if not then I’ll cry. But how do I reveal such strong feelings to one unloving guy? Things like this are supposed to happen in movies, so why in real life? This guy is my world, my one true love, my life. But he doesn’t know it and I want to tell him before he goes away. If he knows that wont change too much, I know he wont stay. But relief would fall upon me and my tears will go away. Not tears from deceit or hurt or heartbreak. But tears from not revealing what’s right in his face. I don’t apprehend why my heart doesn’t let it free. But I have so me emotions bottled up in me. To hold it in isn’t good, to let it out could be worse. These feelings are good but I’d wish they’d reverse. Only until I had enough time or courage to be myself. And say what I’m feeling like everyone else. But it’s not that easy. I’m not used to things like this. But I knew I loved him when we shared our very first kiss. It was nothing I had before and to this day it’s what I miss. Even though we’ve had plenty more that first one will last forever. My heart will never forget it. No mater where I am with whom ever where ever