A Loss of a Child

I disintegrate into the cold room , I feel you inside me screaming to save your life and I know it's not my choice.. I begged him not to drive us here.. and I sit here.. I see your picture on the screen , and I hold the tears back, knowing it's my job to protect you, and I couldn't even protect me, and they march me from room to room in my blue gown.. and I wish he would come marching in to save us.. I wish he would change his mind from his selfish anger and pride.. and in that moment I pray for his cold heart to warm... and I feel you moving inside of me.. and it's almost our turn my love.. and I hold you , and I know I can't live through this... no... and you ask me..why doesn't he love us? and I don't know... and they bring us into the room and they put the needles in and the room is cold and I want to run and I want to go out there in the waiting room and scream at you , but it doesn't make a difference , you already made plans for the day after you threw us away... two precious lives away... beauty and love in a trash ... without regret ... without a tear ... and I know .. and I lie there as they put us to sleep ... and I know when I awake you will be gone.. my love.. a whole world full of lullabyes .. and the doctor tells me to count to five and I watch the door.. one last time for you to come.. to save us.. but you don't... and now .. I wake up .. And he is gone.. and I drive home ... with you, but alone... never again will I answer the phone ...to someone who said their heart was empty to me.. to throw away it all... everything that was beautiful.. and good.. and that was a world of love all for you... May you forgive me ... Christian Mathew Tuthill... 9-10-08 written By -Amy Everett Listening to Tori Amos - A Thousand Oceans