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A Loss of a Child

I disintegrate into the cold room ,

I feel you inside me screaming to save your life and I know it's not my choice.. I begged him 
not to drive us here.. and I sit here.. I see your picture on the screen , and I hold the tears 
back, knowing it's my job to protect you, and I couldn't even protect me, and they march me 
from room to room in my blue gown.. and I wish he would come marching in to save us.. I 
wish he would change his mind from his selfish anger and pride.. and in that moment I pray 
for his cold heart to warm... and I feel you moving inside of me.. and it's almost our turn my 
love.. and I hold you , and I know I can't live through this... no... and you ask me..why 
doesn't he love us? and I don't know... and they bring us into the room and they put the 
needles in and the room is cold and I want to run and I want to go out there in the waiting 
room and scream at you , but it doesn't make a difference , you already made plans for the 
day after you threw us away... two precious lives away... beauty and love in a trash ... 
without regret ... without a tear ... and I know .. and I lie there as they put us to sleep ... and 
I know when I awake you will be gone.. my love.. a whole world full of lullabyes .. and the 
doctor tells me to count to five and I watch the door.. one last time for you to come.. to save 
us.. but you don't... and now .. I wake up .. And he is gone.. and I drive home ... with you, 
but alone... never again will I answer the phone ...to someone who said their heart was 
empty to me.. to throw away it all... everything that was beautiful.. and good.. and that was 
a world of love all for you... May you forgive me ... Christian Mathew Tuthill... 9-10-08 
written By -Amy Everett

Listening to Tori Amos - A Thousand Oceans

Copyright © Amy Everett | Year Posted 2008

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Michael Torres Date: 10/4/2008 9:10:00 AM Amy I feel your pain. Your baby is in heaven if this really aoccured. God loves you. Satan is a lie. He is a roaring lion seeking to devour and destroy. Jesus is calling out to you ask him into your heart. He will come and forgive and heal let the healing start if it hasnt .God bless you Michael ps its never too late... Login to Reply

Sharon Winter Date: 9/25/2008 4:48:00 PM Oh so sorry if this is true. Something someone must live with their whole life. People can be terribly heartless and completely selfish, while taking advantage of someone, leaving them lonely and confused, and so lost as to what to do. Life is a learning experience and sometimes we pay the ultimate cost. As long as we learn, and we must learn from experience, we must go on and do the best we can. My heart goes out to you. Love, Shar Login to Reply