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A Friendly-Snake

A Friendly-Snake As I loved to sit in the mountain a strange snake appeared with a long tail red eyes big head but a smile on its face fearfully but hopefully I began to smile too it approached me slowly I moved backwards slowly beginning to doubt as its long tongue was out it kept its smile I smiled yes, I began to feel comfortable but uncomfortable at the same time it smiled I smiled I took it home to my own personal house it felt at home enjoying comfort the snake began to look at me weirdly strangely I realised it was not a friendly-snake as I thought I was deceived I was made to believe but devil himself it chased me away from my very own house it took over to rule I now stay outside my own house because of fear fear of this dangerous snake untrustworthy unfaithful snake. Drencho POET Loads

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Luis Estable

Date: 8/1/2017 2:25:00 PM

You need here do more than just tell a story. You need poetic diction and some kind of twist. Right now this poem stands as a simple story in prose about a snake you met, nothing more. I urge to do more than this so you can have a good poem. PS I have a book of poems on kindle. If you like a copy, go to Amazon.com and type my name Luis A. Estable or the name of the book. "One hundred Sonnets, Book Two." Thanks and keep on writing. Luis A. Estable

Sky Poet Sa
Date: 8/1/2017 2:30:00 PM

Powerful advice. Useful help. Thank you very much Luis. I shall do my best to consider that. Sometimes a poem becomes dry but that is normal. We grow everyday in poetry and knowledge. POET_Loads.