A Contradicting Philosophy

Missing that real life feeling. That moment of being present "Message" where every thing Is most clear..... I feel complete With my existence. I could die in the next breath ,my next step and it would be ok. with my last words id say The greater purpose has surfaced. It's now time for the universe to do it's job and me collapse in to forever becoming one with all and everything . In this being of clarity seeking answers and questions is not relevant. No voice was heard, no hand was touched, no song was to be sung, no dance or self expression was necessary. In this time and place we were blessed with the true gift us just "knowing". In till then we live to die not die to live. We continue to carry on with our superficial vices and tainted lusts and sins. Trying to keep the lie alive by being blinded by what's in the news,tv,music,sex,drugs,cars,cl othes ect. Is there a god? Am I bad or am I good? Wanting to be wanted,needed,and loved in stead of giving what you want. You Try and manipulate yourself as well as the ones around you. Spitting out babble. Thinking your spreading knowledge by recycling the teachings that were passed down by the ones who told these tales and fables before us. Not thinking for yourself. Listening to the philosophical theories that stem for what? A end with no beginning or a beginning with no end. I want to seize the day of my waking life. Drifting in to the sub conscious of my soul,dreams, and heart. Is it all just governed by the laws of the universe? Or are we the aliens Suffering from self invasion of our own beliefs and will to just "be" they have always been among us we just see what our minds allow us to. More or less what we want. I don't want to teach or preach anymore. I just want to "go with the flow". Meaning work with the pattern of our Universe instead of going against it. Karma is more of a way than a law. It just is. Now the strength of all is believing. Faith can be found in everything not just in organized religion.