-until-

I hold your letters in my hands, The words wrapped in swirls of trembling, yet vivid, lovely, handwriting Bits and pieces of yourself, of your life, the precious life, that you shared with me Telling me such little details...of the dress you bought, or perhaps the squirrel in the yard or a brief accounting of the rain that came one morning... Snippets of a life that went unnoticed, seemed unremarkable Until......until you were gone. Until I began to realize that I wouldn't have a second chance...another day to pay closer attention, to ask more questions, ...to show more interest to look deeper into your wisdom, your eyes, and see the clarity that comes with age... Your caring,...your patience....your understanding... That in my neglectful ways, I thought would always be there... These letters I hold in my hand...ending with words of love....that perhaps I didn't deserve... You would have said, "I understand"...."It's all right", ..."I forgive you" But,........ can I, ...will I, .... forgive myself?