Canceled

I closed my eyes and tried to forget the way you smiled and those dark mysterious eyes. You touched my soul and I just wanted you to know that. You blew my mind for so many years and now I feel so alone. I cancelled you so long ago, I swore that this was finished. But the only thing that was ever finished was a lie and I swore to my heart that it didn't. Didn't beat every time I saw you, Didn't tip every time you smiled. Didn't trip over myself every time I pretend that I wasn't. It was all a lie and I couldn't control the fact that I wanted you, every part of you and more. I would sneak little glances at you out of the corner of my eyes, Remember that i'm not confident at times I can be kind of shy. I wanted this to be secret but it was just waiting to burst out, and as the years went by I find myself dying to see you once again. Is that you I see on the train? I shiver just at the thought. How many times am I gonna flip when it wasn't even you just a look alike. This has to tell me something this has to be a sign, If I ever saw you again I would jump off a cliff so high. But then again I remember you were supposed to be cancelled that's what I told all my friends. You were no longer viewing in my mind, A past show, just some long road that i'd done traveled. It wasn't until some time later that a friend whispered in my ear, she told me that you were doing ok and then the feelings started to surface again. God I yelled at myself can you be anymore pathetic... I wasn't going out like that this is the last time I write about this person. I smile knowing that this poem is just the third of many... cancelled? It would never be fully over in my mind, I mean a girl has to have her fantasies.