10 things I hate about me

1 - I can't be alone I struggle to be by myself because my dark thoughts come But when I'm with people my heart is numb On top of a lot of pain is what I built my wall on I don't trust many, but have a few booty calls from females I can call on Grew up without my family, so was passed around the foster system I soon realized you don't get what you want from wishing I can hide my suicidal thoughts when I'm sitting with a person I tell so many jokes, they'll think I'd never spent a day hurting But when I'm alone I can't deal with my own mind I'm working on being alone but it's going to take time 2 - I fell in love with her body I fell in love with her body and not her heart Thought I was winning, turns out I'd lost at the start It started with her giving me a lap dance and me lapping it up To her lapping me on the road to happiness Now she's laughing and happy while I can barely smile I'm going out to the club every week getting fairly wild Dancing with new girls trying to forget her memories But none of these girls and me have the same chemistry She saw me at my worst, but I still wanted to make her happy and not suffer Yet I didn't realize how much she meant to me until I seen her with another 3 - Damsel in distress saviour Anytime I see a girl in distress I feel the need to try and save her Maybe it's because I'm damaged myself but I need to change this behaviour I can't save them all and I judge myself for that I seem to find lost girls, and want to help them back Am I a hypocrite because I've broken a few hearts along the way? What if I can only give them a short amount of time on a long day? I try and fix them up until they're ready to find a man better than me Then I'll find my next project, in the long run I don't want anyone together with me I was going to message a girl I missed but I cancelled the text Because here I am again looking for the next damsel in distress 4 - I'm Bipolar I wish I was normal, I'm tired of being bipolar My mood can change quickly, now I'm low when I have nothing to cry over I don't have the strength to get out of bed, but my friends want to meet me When I tell them my mood can change like that, they don't believe me I can be happy for months but then it all changes for no reason My world comes crashing down, and I start screaming I can't have anyone near me when I'm like that I only hurt myself if I attempt to fight back I hate being bipolar because everyone treats me differently I tell people exactly who I am, yet they seem to want a different me 5 I'm prideful I have too much pride which can be a bad thing I won't ask for help to fly even though I have broken wings So I force myself to struggle with putting the pieces together Asking for help isn't an option even if I live forever My pride won't move, so I don't have it in me to tell her I miss her So I'll stay by myself and cry a river Pour vodka inside my mouth and laugh when it hits my liver Maybe I wasn't supposed to survive my suicidal thoughts My life is like one big obstacle survival course But I made it out because you haven't met someone this prideful before 6 - I'm a flirt When I see a lady I can't help to flirt I'm numb to the world but she felt my words I laugh and joke with them all The same used lines I give them all For some reason they find something charming about me Most people see something alarming about me I don't understand why I'm popular, they act like I'm Justin Timberlake When I flirt, and ask to take them out on a dinner date Make them laugh, and then they warm me up on winter breaks I'm such a flawed man, but because of my charm, they think I'm Mister great 7 - I can't take compliments My parents never said they loved me So I get scared if someone else tries to hug me I don't have much confidence To make it worse, I struggle to take compliments I don't like to hear nice things about me So please be careful with what words you bring around me If you act too nice I'll look at you strange I'll find my way alone, I don't need to be took through the game I don't like myself much, but I like myself enough Been stabbed in the back so much, I no longer feel the cut 8 - I can't cry A heart full of pain, a head full of nightmare The journey's long, holes in my Nike airs Bit I don't fear storms I'm just unable to express myself in tear form I can't cry, no matter how had things get They're broken, but I haven't used my wings yet I'm damaged and flawed I take responsibility for the damage I managed to cause This poem is for every tear I never shed I can't cry so I write it on paper instead 9 - I'm emotional I either show too much or none at all At one time I managed to numb it all I speak rarely, because we focus on wasted words I wanted to feel again for the sake of her They won't know how to take this verse I express too much, should I dial it down I'll make you cry if you tell me to turn my frown upside down Grew up being bullied and teachers being mad at me Mind replaying things I had to see Let me be sad in peace 10 I double rhyme too much I've always had a troubled mind Never used to use a line if it wasn't a double rhyme I'm not a great poet, need someone to fix me up Maybe because I focus on this too much Instead of thinking of something better to say Been through the storm, so I don't fear the weather today My mind keeps me up at night I hope I can think of something good to write But what if they all think it sucks Should I stop using the ink so much?